On Sunday, July 11th, Richard Branson beat the other members of the He-man Billionaire Woman-haters Club to become the first rich nerd in space. Using the most billionaire-friendly definition of “space” as possible, of course.

This launched from Branson’s Spaceport which is less than 100 miles from El Paso. Next week, another billionaire, Jeff Bezos will do his own Dweebs in Space fantasy. His Blue Origins launch site is also about 100 miles from El Paso but in the opposite direction, east, out by Van Horn.

Elon Musk, whose emotions I can never draw a bead on, SEEMED happy to be hanging out with Branson before his big wocket-wide…but was he, really? Musk’s goal is to send a ship to Mars but I don’t think he’s planning to be part of the crew. Or, maybe he is. Who knows? Maybe this is all about rich boys living out their childhood fantasies. Buck Rogers for Branson; Han Solo, probably, for Bezos and Musk. Maybe Elon was only hanging with Branson so he’ll be better able to rub it in his face when he (Musk) conquers the red planet. “You only went 53 miles, brah? My ship went to Mars, bitch! RED ROCKS!”

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What’s Zuckerberg planning? He’s a famous rich dude. Why isn’t he in the space race? My working theory is that those other guys are Sci-fi fans and Zuck is more of a fantasy dude. He’s probably secretly funding a genetics project to create a real Drogon as we speak.

The big question that’s being ignored is this: why are so many of the world’s richest men SO anxious to get off Earth? It seems like they’re ALL playing hunches that someday they may need someplace other than Earth to chill. How are rich guy’s hunches, as hunches go? Is it the idle paranoia of douchebags with too much money? Or do they have better hunches, in the same way they have better cars and houses? Do they know things the rest of us don’t?

Well…it’s either that or it’s the most expensive peeing contest ever held.

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