We have an update on the guy who went out walking in El Paso last week with his AR-15, ammo pouches, bulletproof vest, and hearing protection headphones.

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He’s really, really sorry if any of you p***-wads got all butt-hurt because he was exercising his God-given right to cosplay as an active shooter.

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Black and white, woman pointing old gun to front

The man, who wants to remain anonymous (HA!), wrote the following letter to @FitFam. It’s a HAND-WRITTEN letter, which is about the only way he could have made his behavior even MORE suspicious and creepy.

Here’s some of the text, in case you no longer have the ability or are just too creeped out to read something that somebody wrote with a PEN:

Hear my side of the story, on Thursday 10Nov I decided to go for a walk with my weapon.

(Gun experts agree that you need to routinely take your guns outside so they can get some sunshine and fresh air.  You should also make sure you leave them PLENTY of water to drink when it’s a really hot day.)

My intention was NOT to create strife.

(“Not at all! I actually wanted to create STRAFE!”)

I simply meant to exercise my God-given rights.

(You remember the 11th Commandment, right? “Thou shalt make sure all thy brethren know that you have a big, scary gun. And that thou loveth the San Antonio Spurs”)

My sincere apologies if this was taken out of context.

You know, if you’re going to make such a clearly insincere “apology”, don’t describe it as “sincere”.  Also, how was “I’m really starved for ANY kind of attention” taken out of context?

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Then, he includes a self-annotated passage from the Declaration of Independence. Again, he didn’t just copy and paste it. He wrote it all out like it was a homework assignment from 1994. I wonder if he mailed it in or sent it by carrier pigeon.

The unsettling icing on the red-flag cake are the final three (hand-written) lines:

U.S. Con. Article 4 AKA 2nd Amendment

Tex. Con Section 23, Article 1

US Supreme Court NYSRP v. Bruen

Now, I think those three things would be considered “links” if you’re a time traveler from 1970. So, I “clicked” on all of them. A couple of things…


Re-reading the wording of the 2nd Amendment was a good refresher that the framers wanted us to be “well-regulated” when it comes to having access to firearms.

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Section 23 of the Texas Constitution does, in fact, say that “every citizen shall have the right to keep and bear arms”.


Which is IMMEDIATELY followed by, “but the legislature shall have power, by law, to regulate the wearing of arms, with a view to prevent crime”.  It’s almost like gun enthusiasts only have the time to read HALF of any given sentence.

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The Supreme Court ruling on New York State Rifle and Pistol Association v. Bruen is, indeed, one of our cherished and time-honored precedence that goes allll the way back to…July of THIS year?? Yup. 

That must be one of those God-given rights that God only got around to giving three and a half months ago.

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