A new study says that millenials aren't using top sheets anymore. They are just using the bottom, fitted sheet and covering up with comforters. Where were these heathens raised, in a barn? Using a top sheet is what separates us from the animals, for heaven's sake. I mean, without the top sheet, how do you protect yourself from vampires and ghosteses during the hot summer months? Everyone knows that having a top sheet on you is the only way to protect yourself from things that go bump in the night.

This crazy millenial went on an anti-top sheet rant and I have to say, I fear for the future of humanity. There is a lot of crazy talk about just using a comforter to cover up during the night because a top sheet is like sleeping in a, and I quote, "FART SARCOPHAGUS". This looney toon says top sheets end up crumpled at the end of the bed and likened them to papery napkins.

Does this misguided millenial not realize that the TOP SHEET IS MADE OF THE SAME MATERIAL AS THE BOTTOM SHEET?

I'm sorry I shouted. It's just that millenials insist on not buying cars because they live in big cities that have Uber and Lyft. They don't buy houses because that would mean they are tied down and they want to be free like the wind. And, saints preserve us, they don't buy fabric softener because they are all wearing athleisure gear that says not to use the magic stuff.

Whatever. If millenials have their way, we will soon be living in carless, home-less, itchy fabric world with no top sheet to protect us from vampires and ghosteses.

These crazy whippersnappers must be stopped.