When the zombie apocalypse hits, you want to be almost anywhere but here. Because apparently El Paso is a deathtrap and we're all as good as eaten.

The coronavirus pandemic and the current wave of variant outbreaks led a national lawn care services website to wonder: “In the (unlikely?) event of a zombie uprising, where do the living have the best chance of defending themselves?”

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The company looked at data relating to the 200 largest cities in America to determine 2021’s Best Cities for Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse and calculated that El Paso (No. 177 overall) is the 23rd worst city in America to escape the fate of the undead in.

Why El Paso Would Make an Appetizing City for Zombies

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The tongue-in-cheek study took into consideration factors such the number of hardware stores (zombie-killing tools, etc), homes with basements (they make good bunkers), mobility, and the share of the population in good physical health to reach its conclusion.

That last one alone is reason enough to rank as low as we did. A quick look around the workplace and it’s clear El Pasoans are not doing enough squats. In fact, we’re doing diddly squat – this writer included. I can no longer tell where my butt ends and the office chair begins; how ‘bout you?

Per the study, our low number of hardware stores would make it harder for us to find weapons, the traffic congestion we face every day because of the seemingly endless road construction would make it hard for us to make a quick getaway, and the high number of hospitals around here would initially help contain a virus outbreak, but eventually give the army of hungry corpses easy access to plenty of defenseless people who would then turn.

Go West

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In case you’re wondering where you should head to if you wanted to live in a world without any of the luxuries we’ve become accustomed to, Huntington Beach, California, is where you’d best survive the brain-eaters. The west coast beach town was named the No. 1 Best City for Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse.

Not that I've put too much thought into it, but if World War Z ever did go down, I would take refuge inside our own City Hall. Even zombies know there aren’t a whole lot of brains there.

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