Samsung Galaxy Note 7 Discontinued Because Explosions — Here’s What You Could Do With Yours
Samsung's Galaxy Note 7 is now a thing of the past after it proved to be a better explosive device than a phone.
The latest model of the Korean company's phablet came out in August, and shortly after, people began to report that their phones were exploding. Like, seriously catching fire and burning up.
The company went back into the woodshed and revamped the phone, handing out replacements to customers. And then those phones began to explode, too. The phones are now under recall, and if you have one, you are advised to shut it off immediately and not to sell it to anyone, Here's the official recall information.
On top of that, the company announced they are halting production of the device entirely. The announcements crashed their stock, and Samsung has lost $17 billion in stock market value, according to the Wall Street Journal.
So, you know. Yikes.
But look -- all is not lost. There are still important uses for an exploding phone.
Sure, you can bang two rocks together to start a fire. Or maybe use your magnifying glass to focus a laser sunbeam. BUT, wouldn't it just be easier to throw your Galaxy Note 7 onto a pile of wood and then call it repeatedly until it blows up? Why let a perfectly good phone rot in a landfill when you can go full pyromaniac AND help young kids at the same time?
Terrorists love them some cell phones. And we also know they love burner phones so its harder to track them. Well, isn't the Galaxy Note 7 the ULTIMATE burner? Hand them out as free gifts, and then call them until they explode. Find out how a terrorist works without the left side of his head! FOR SCIENCE!
Wish you could just burn down your old shack and start over? Well, make sure you get grandma and Fido out of the house and dial your way to a raging house fire! Collect that fat insurance check and build your McMansion!
(NOTE: This is a joke and not something you should attempt in real life, mainly because it's dumb, but also because it's illegal.)