Mike’s the Stupid News: Woman Tries to Smother Boyfriend with Her 38-Double-D’s

Earlier this year, Tim Schmidt of Unna, Germany was having some sexy time with his girlfriend, Franziska Hansen, when she all of a sudden grabbed his head and shoved it between her 38-double-D breasts. At first, she assured him it was all a sex game, but when Tim, quote, "couldn't breathe anymore" and Franziska wouldn't let him go, Tim knew she was up to more than just killing the mood. Schmidt somehow managed to wriggle free and flee naked to a neighbor's house, where he called the cops.

During Franziska's recent trial for "attempted murder with a weapon", (Yes, her double D's count as a weapon!) Tim told a German court she admitted to him that she tried to kill him after she found out he was planning to leave her. As for why she chose to smother him with her huge honkers, Schmidt told the court she told him, quote, "I wanted your death to be as pleasurable as possible." I can think of a lot of worse ways to go!