Mike’s the Stupid News: Man Arrested For Having Sex With Lion (Statue)

It's no secret people lower their standards drastically when they're drunk, but low enough to get all smoove up in a inanimate object? The answer is "yes "in the case of Matthias Maier of Austria.

Maier was in Russe, Bulgaria last month, and totally got his drink on. This guy drank so much that on his way home he rolled up on a bronze statue of a lion and found it so irresistible and alluring, he pulled his pants down and ... wait for it ... went to town on it. Yes, that's right, Maier had sex with the statue!

Sadly, for him, but thankfully for the molested lion statue, two cops spotted Matthias getting his freak on and arrested him for obscenity in a public place. He got one year of probation and a $31 fine. Some might say he got off easy! Hi-Yo! Sometimes the jokes write themselves!