Here’s 5 Totally El Paso Reasons Why Crime Is So Low In Our Town

President Donald Trump called El Paso one of the most dangerous cities in the nation before we got our portion of the border fence built back in 2008. Sure, a barrier might have made crime go down a little make us a little safer, but let's be real, there are some very El Paso reasons why:

1. We fear The Chancla: Every good El Paso mom knows how to throw a chancla with such speed, accuracy, and force that she could take down a wildebeest. I hate to let you behind the curtain, but when you become a mom in the 915, they take you to a room in the hospital and teach you the fine art of chancla chucking. It's true. Google it.

2. Two words - Chicos Tacos: Those double orders with extra cheese catch up with you, and that makes us too tired and fluffy to take part in too much crime-doing.

3. Road construction: You probably could kill that crappy driver in front of you while sitting in traffic on the I-10, but because it can be such a parking lot, everyone would get a clear shot at you with their iPhone and then you'd be screwed because you couldn't get anymore Chico's.

4. FitFam: We all want to be on FitFam but not for breaking the law. It's better to be FitFam famous for our club gear than for getting thrown into the back of a cop car.

5. Family: No, not because we're all warm and fuzzy about our families, but because everyone knows everyone in this town. You mom's best friend's uncle's sister-in-law will see you being shady and next thing you know, you're facing the wrath of The Chancla.

A border wall? We don't need no stinkin' border wall!