Scenic Spots In El Paso To Watch The Bombs Drop

EDITORS NOTE: When I first wrote this article, it was meant to be a silly, "gallows humor" type thing. A satirical piece of writing. The whole thing is pretty mild if you consider what kind of stuff exists on the internet. When I think of this article, I laugh because one comment in particular sticks out to me. Someone said "This is the most offensive thing anyone has ever written. Even Comedy Central wouldn't post something like this!!" I almost died laughing when I read that comment. Because...Comedy Central? The TV channel that ran South Park for 30 years? The TV channel that aired some of the most vile jokes on celebrity roast events? Please. This list article wouldn't have even gotten me a job in a writers room for a Comedy Central show. That being said, here it is again, in all its glory. Gimme some suggestions in the comments this time! Lemme know what beautiful place in El Paso you want to be vaporized at when the nukes fall!

And if you're still mad about it, I would simply remind you that the nukes are gonna fall soon and this is a really dumb thing to be mad about with so little time left.

If we’re all going out together, we might as well get a good view. When the sirens wail and the sky turns white, El Paso offers no shortage of scenic spots to soak in the last moments of human civilization. Or at least catch one final sunset before the flash.

Scenic Drive Overlook

Getty Images

The ultimate doomsday front-row seat. With a panoramic view of El Paso and Juárez, this winding ridge lets you watch the end roll in from two countries at once. Bring your own beverages and maybe a folding chair.

Franklin Mountains State Park

Want to be above it all when it all goes down? Hike up to the Ron Coleman Trail and savor a final, smug moment of peace before the shockwave hits. Nature never looked so poetic or ironic.

Wyler Aerial Tramway (RIP, But Still Worth Mentioning)

It’s closed indefinitely, but we can pretend it reopened for the apocalypse. Rising over 5,600 feet, this is where you’d want to feel the blast coming. Bonus points if you bring your own pulley system.

The Star on the Mountain

Courtesy: EL Paso Chamber of Commerce Live Feed

You’ve seen it lit up for holidays and memorials. Now see it one last time while the sky lights up in a very different way. Symbolic, tragic, and iconic.

Scenic Point at Tom Mays Unit

This hidden lookout offers a peaceful, solitary place to reflect on your regrets, questionable social media posts, and what’s about to be a very hot wind.

UTEP Campus – Centennial Plaza

It’s open, breezy, and oddly poetic to watch the world end while surrounded by Bhutanese-inspired architecture. Who says academia isn’t exciting?

Ascarate Lake Duck Pond

Waterfront views and plenty of quacking. At least it's the nukes getting rid of it and not the city. But hey, you could toss a stone across the surface one last time.

Hueco Tanks

Climb into one of the ancient rock formations and imagine you’re witnessing the end of the world as the ancients might have foretold. Probably not the worst place to be vaporized.

Top of the Rollercoaster at Western Playland

Courtesy: Western Playland

What better way to stare death in the face than from the peak of a creaky rollercoaster as your stomach drops and the sky catches fire? Ride it out, literally.

The Border Wall

Courtesy: Ryan Sakellakos

Dramatic. Bleak. Symbolic. Stand right up against it and watch the mushroom cloud remind us that lines on a map don’t mean much anymore.

When the sky glows and your phone buzzes with that last emergency alert, El Paso will still manage to look beautiful in the face of annihilation. So grab a snack, pick your spot, and watch the nukes fall with Borderland style.