10 Things Texas Survive Everyday

Thinking about moving to Texas? Or maybe you’re a local who’s mastered the art of side-stepping rattlesnakes and dodging tornadoes. Either way, let’s take a stroll through the ten biggest risks of living in the Lone Star State. But instead of the usual warnings, we’ll use the magic of Hollywood for a guide with a twist. And no, this list isnt sarcastic at AaAaLlLl. Its SOOOO sincere.

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1. Weather: The Lone Star Twister

Texas weather is Mad Max meets Twister meets The Day After Tomorrow. Tornadoes, floods, and hurricanes? It’s like Texas subscribed to every natural disaster movie on Netflix.

2. Wildfires: The Real-Life Backdraft

Just like Backdraft, but minus the soundtrack and plus a lot of barbecue smoke. Summers are so dry, you might just get a fire from looking at a bush wrong.

3. Flooding: Waterworld (Minus Kevin Costner)

Here, it floods on a dime. Forget waterproof boots; you might want a boat. Just remember: “High ground is good” is Texas wisdom.

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4. Wildlife: Jumanji, Texas Edition

Snakes, scorpions, and gators, oh my! Every Texan’s backyard is Jumanji on shuffle mode, but the old one where the kid turns into the monkey not the new one with The Rock. Bonus points if you don’t scream when a tarantula wanders by. We're basically Australia and Florida combined.

5. Heatstroke: Dune but Make It Texas

Texas heat is basically Arrakis from Dune. Hydrate like a Fremen, or face the wrath of the mighty sun!

6. Allergies: Attack of the Pollen Monsters

If you thought Invasion of the Body Snatchers was bad, try dealing with cedar fever. Allergy sufferers, brace yourselves—spring is coming.

7. Road Safety: Fast & Furious: Texas Drift

Texas highways are where speed limits are suggestions. Combine that with rural roads, and you’re in for a Fast & Furious experience… hopefully without Vin Diesel levels of car stunts.

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8. Industrial Accidents: Armageddon, the Home Edition

Living near oil and gas fields? Just remember, Texas prefers its explosions with a side of “all’s well.” Cue Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.”

9. Invasive Species: Jurassic Park with Fire Ants

Feral hogs and fire ants roam freely here. Don’t expect a dino chase, but do expect your lawn to be Jurassic Park without a park ranger. Good example: Those red flour beetles that took over in El Paso!

10. Air Quality: The Mist, Texas-Style

Houston air on a hot day? It’s a real-life scene from The Mist. Add some exhaust fumes, and it’s a smoky flavor locals might call “urban spice.”

So, there you have it—the risks of Texas, straight out of the Hollywood playbook. Sure, living here may feel like starring in your own survival blockbuster, but isn’t that part of the charm? Just remember: in Texas, every day is an adventure. And hey, who doesn’t want a life that’s part Jumanji and part Mad Max?