SWAT TEAM CALLED OVER BEEFY CRUNCH BURRITOS ... Ricardo Jones of San Antonio had a three-hour standoff with a SWAT team and ended up getting into a shootout with police over the weekend because he was angry. Angry about . . . wait for it . . . Taco Bell raising the price of their Beefy Crunch Burrito!!!

See, before the standoff, Ricardo had gone through the drive-thru of his favorite Taco Bell and ordered SEVEN Beefy Crunch Burritos and was appalled to find the price had gone up from 99 cents to $1.49. He was SO upset he fired a BB gun at the Taco Bell manager, then fled to a nearby motel room. After three hours of SWAT negotiations, they finally used tear gas to get him out of the room and subdued him. He's now looking at two felony counts of aggravated assault and could get up to 40 years in prison.

WHO YOU GONNA BELIEVE, ME OR YOUR LYING EYES? …Geries Fakhoury of Orland Park, Illinois was stone cold busted when his wife came home early and caught him with a prostitute, another man and a bunch of crack cocaine. So he did what every red-blooded man is wired to do – deny, deny, deny!

Not only did he not cop to any indiscretion whatsoever, he took things a step further by claiming the hooker and the man forced him to participate after threatening him with a screwdriver in his driveway. He’s now facing one felony charge of disorderly conduct for lying to investigating police.

KISSING BANDIT ...92-year-old Helen Staudinger and her 53-year-old next door neighbor Dwight Bettner, got into an argument in Fort McCoy, Florida, earlier this week.  After  they solved their differences, the 92-year old woman suggested they kiss and make up. Literally, KISS and make up.

He refused … so she went back into her house, got her semi-automatic .38 and pumped four shots into his house. She’s in county lock-up – facing felony charges. Dwight told the cops he's had issues with Helen trying to get all up on him before.  Quote, "I feel she is enamored with [me]."  Let's hear it for ULTRA-RANDY senior citizens!!! Now, excuse me while I throw up.