DO NOT ATTEMPT THE CHARLIE SHEEN DEFENSE ... A Port St. Lucie, Florida, homeowner called cops after Robert Lubrano began banging on the door of his condo, demanding entrance. When police arrived, Lubrano told them he'd been partying with Sheen and "six naked girls" at a local pool. 

Lubrano told police he'd "consumed Roxicodone and Xanax earlier in the day, along with two beers while he was with 'Charlie Sheen.'"  The officers checked with the homeowner and confirmed he didn't know Robert, Charlie Sheen, OR six naked goddesses . Lubrano was arrested for disturbing the peace.

REAL (WO)MAN OF GENIUS DOES NOT HAVE LUCK OF THE IRISH ... An unidentified 26-year-old woman wearing a bright blue warm-up suit with a big yellow stripe walked into a convenience store in Topeka, Kansas on St. Patricks Day and held up the clerk using a screwdriver as a weapon. Later that afternoon, the woman went to Topeka's St. Patrick's Day parade, and rather than wear green like everyone else -- or at the very least changing into something she didn’t wear to a robbery -- was still rocking the bright blue warm-up suit with the big yellow stripe.

An officer spotted her, matched her to the description of the woman who'd held up the convenience store earlier that day, and promptly arrested her.