Mike’s the Stupid News: Man Arrested for Having Sex with Pool Raft

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN INFLATABLE DOLLS DON'T DO IT FOR YOU ANYMORE: 32-year-old Edwin Tobergta of White Pine, Tennessee was arrested in Hamilton, Ohio after concerned citizens called the cops about a guy in an alley with his pants around his ankles, doing ungodly things to a pink, inflatable pool raft. 

When police got there, Edwin didn't deny his crime of passion. He told the cops he was, quote, "doing it but only because he has a problem and that he needs help." His grandmother later concurred saying Edwin, quote, "has…always had a fascination for plastic."

Although it is not illegal to have relations with pool objects of any color, it is highly inappropriate to do so in public. Tobergta was arrested on a public indecency charge and court ordered to seek mental health services for his freaky fetish.