Mike’s The Stupid News: Florida Woman Found Hiding Knives and Pills In Her Fat Rolls & The Air Sex Championships

Florida Woman Busted for Hiding Knives in Hoo-Ha and Fat Rolls ... Gloria Esther Perez was arrested in Ft. Myers, Florida after cops responded to a call that two women were fighting. Perez started acting suspiciously while being questioned, so the police took her to the station for a complete pat-down.

Police found two knives on the her. One insider her…ah, Va-Jay Jay…and another hidden in her belly fat flaps. They also found over 100 prescription pills in her fat rolls!!! Wow. Maybe that's where we should've buried bin Laden.  Sadly, her mug shot (left) is only from the neck up.

 Man Attacks Cops With Weed Whacker ...  A New Jersey man guy who tried to return a defective weed whacker to a Sears store but was told the lawn and garden section was already closed for the night and he’d have to come back the next day, got a tad upset and started shouting at employees.

 They weren't having any of it and called police. When the cops arrived,  they attempted to escort Gary Burke out and that's when he attacked the officers with the weed whacker! He was arrested for aggravated assault and unlawful possession of a weapon – in the case – the weed whacker. Of course this is not the first story we’ve ever heard about people in New Jersey getting whacked. WEED whacked, yeah, but not whacked. Hi-Yo! Mafia humor. It's a classic for a reason!

 The Air Sex Championships ... Milwaukee will be the site this weekend for an Air Sex World Championship Qualifier. What's 'Air Sex' you're asking yourself. Well, you’ve heard of air guitar, right? It’s the same idea – but fully-clothed contestants take the stage and show off their best simulated sex moves. Really. You can check out some photos here and their website here.

The winner goes to the World Championships of Air Sex in Austin, Texas.

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