KRIS HUMPHIES/KIM KARDASHIAN COURT FACE OFF NOT LIKELY TO HAPPEN TODAY: KRIS HUMPHRIES and KIM KARDASHIAN are supposed to face off in court today for mandatory settlement talks, but TMZ is reporting that at this point it doesn't look like it's going to happen.

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According to their sources, Kris had not left his New York City hotel in NYC as of 1 o'clock this morning and even if he hopped on the first plane out, would still be hours late to the 8:30 meeting. Even if the judge doesn't reschedule the talks, it won't really matter. Word is Kris is still demanding $7 million and/or an annulment to go away, and Kim is not only not willing to give him either or, she's demanding that he pay her attorney's fees.

THE CELEBRITIES FANS WOULD MOST LIKE TO BED: "Details" magazine asked its readers who they'd most like to have relations with, and compiled the results into what we'll call the 10 Most, ahem,  "Do-able" Celebrities.

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RYAN GOSLING got the most votes from the ladies. 50% of them said they'd like to get with him. ZAC EFRON, ADAM LEVINE, CHANNING TATUM, and BRADLEY COOPER round out the Top 5. The men were most randy for MILA KUNIS. 41% said they'd like to hit dat. After Mila it was KATE UPTON, JENNIFER LAWRENCE, JESSICA ALBA, and MEGAN FOX.

IN TODAY'S LINDSAY LOHAN NEWS: LINDSAY LOHAN got a TSA pat-down after setting off a metal detector at JFK Airport in New York City yesterday. Surprisingly, they didn't find anything. Not surprisingly, the paparazzi were there to get it all on video. If you wonder why people think these guys are such dirt bags, just listen to the cameraman's commentary.

Meanwhile . . . Lindsay showed up to the "Scary Movie 5" premiere -- late, as usual.

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Ahead of Loho's big guest appearance on the CHARLIE SHEEN show "Anger Management," which aired last night ... Sheen appeared on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" and set the record straight on a couple of Lohan rumors.

When asked if it was true that Linds was late to shooting Charlie said, “not on day one.” As for day two, quote, "It was as though she had us held hostage because she gave us half a show," adding Lindsay claimed to have an earache and showed up two hours late. As for reports she stole clothes and jewelry from the set, Charlie explained, “She borrowed some stuff and was told she had to pay for it and they would take it out of her check, and she said fine. That’s all it was.”

BABY POOP: SHAKIRA took baby Milan to work and shared her seat with him on the panel ...


KIM KARDASHIAN went out to visit a friend the other day, and evidently her pregnant nipples tagged along (PHOTO)

HALLE BERRY shows off her mummy tummy in a lacy, spider web outfit while promoting her latest movie in Brazil.(PHOTO)

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DONALD TRUMP'S daughter, IVANKA, is pregnant with baby number-two. The 31-year-old "Celebrity Apprentice" judge and her husband are expecting in the fall, according to People magazine. Their daughter Arabella is 20 months old.