THE CHARLIE SHEEN 9-1-1 CALL: The 911 call that brought the ambulance to CHARLIE SHEEN'S house last Thursday morning has hit the web.  It was made by Charlie's friend and neighbor, Dr. Paul Nassif - whom you might recognize from "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills". (--He's married to Adrienne)

In the call, he tells the dispatcher he just had a "weird conversation" with Charlie who told him Charlie was "very intoxicated" and "in a lot of pain," but didn't want anyone to call 911. It's actually quite boring, but here you go anyway. We Report, You Decide ...

CHARLIE'S SHEEN-ANIGANS HAVE BEEN ALL "CRAP": It turns out everything we've heard about CHARLIE SHEEN - from his 36 hour cocaine fueled party on forward - has been "crap." In a text conversation with E! News, Charlie wrote, quote, "Believe nothing. I will never speak about any of this as long as I'm alive. You're all gonna have to keep towing the same redundant line, guessing wrong."

Then he chided us - the media - for making such a big deal about it. "[By the way]," He continues, "Two wars are in an endless state of sorrow. Egypt about burned to the ground, and all you people care about is my bull***t? "Shame shame shame."

JULIA ROBERTS IN "CHEATING SCANDAL" WITH MARRIED OSCAR WINNER!!!: If all you read was the headline, you’d think JULIA ROBERTS got caught in some steamy affair with one of her co-stars, right?

But the truth of the matter is Julia’s “cheating” consists of her having hosted a special screening last month of JAVIER BARDEM'S movie “Biutiful”. Julia was apparently so disappointed with the lack of awards recognition her pal Javier was getting, she arranged a private screening for some of Hollywood’s major players, and then campaigned heavily on his behalf.

And it must’ve worked because Bardem was indeed the surprise nominee in the “best actor” category when the Oscar nominees were announced recently.

LINDSAY AND THE STOLEN BLING UPDATE: The jewelry LINDSAY LOHAN is being accused of stealing and that we reported on yesterday was turned over to police before they could execute the warrant to search her place for it.

A source told RadarOnline Lindsay is claiming the necklace was LOANED to her on January 22nd. When she was done with it, she gave it to a stylist to return it, which he or she obviously failed to do so in a timely manner. (--Supposedly, it was the stylist who returned the necklace to police)

But a different source calls that excuse a lie. “This doesn't appear to be a miscommunication between two people, as Lindsay is claiming. Lindsay says she borrowed the necklace, the evidence just doesn't support Lindsay's story.” That "evidence" is the jewelry store surveillance tape and a photo of Lindsay wearing the necklace in question a week later, according to a RadarOnline law enforcement source.

Even though the necklace was returned, police are still investigating, and Lindsay could still be charged with grand theft over it. According to TMZ, police sources say that the case is going to the DA today and charges are LIKELY. Here's the photo store owners gave cops of Lindsay wearing the necklace. The shorter one is the one in question ...

It's said to be worth $2,500, which would make Lindsay swiping it a felony, which would most definitely land her back in jail.

THE HALLE BERRY DIVORCE DRAMA: One of TMZ's sources has shed some light on why HALLE BERRY doesn't want baby-daddy GABRIEL AUBREY spending time alone with their 2-year-old daughter, Nahla.

Supposedly, Nahla cries hysterically and throws tantrums when Gabriel comes to pick her up, therefore Halle thinks something bad must be happening. But since Nahla can't communicate what's upsetting her, Halle doesn't know exactly what those bad things are. She's convinced, though, whatever it is it's "unhealthy."

Meanwhile ... RadarOnline got a hold of a "nasty", "scorching" email Halle sent Gabriel. It read, "You were only good for one thing... Thanks for the donation"

ROMANCE REPORT: Rumors of EVA LONGORIA getting her some rebound love from the younger brother of PENELOPE CRUZ have started up again. As we first told you back in December, his name is Eduardo, and since the initial report that he spent Christmas ensconced in Eva's house, they've been seen out together several times.

One night they even took in a flamenco group at a cabaret, according to a witness who saw them and then blabbed about it to Quote, "Eva and Eduardo seemed to have a good time together. They were flirty, and held hands for a brief moment during the performance. (She) looked very happy and acted like a single girl that is ready for some fun."

BABY NEWS: CRAIG FERGUSON and his wife Megan welcomed their first child together Monday, a baby boy they named Liam James.

SHOWBIZ QUICKIES: 1.) TERRENCE HOWARD'S wife MICHELLE filed for divorce from him last week citing the classic "irreconcilable differences." Michelle and Terrence have only been married a YEAR.

2.) CHEECH MARIN'S ex-wife claims the actor/comedian physically assaulted her, TMZ reports. She's asking a judge for a restraining order. (--Cheech is half of the iconic stoner comedy duo "Cheech & Chong". Google it kids!)

 3.) BILLY JOEL has responded to ELTON JOHN'S "Rolling Stone" interview in which Elton says Billy needs to go to rehab to treat his alcoholism. He said, and I quote, "Hey Elton...I don't care what you say anymore this is my life. Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone." Hi-Yo! No, YOU shut up!

 Billy actually took the high road with his response: "I’ve enjoyed our relationship too much to let something as random as these comments change my affection for him. Elton is just being Elton.”

"GLEE" PULLING OUT ALL THE STOPS SUNDAY NIGHT: Despite all the accolades and the excellent ratings for “Glee,” there’s still a lot of guys who’ve never spent one minute watching the show. Which is why the minute the Super Bowl game ends Sunday night, viewers will see a “Glee”‘boob-a-palooza’!!!

"Glee's" executive producer admits the opening scene was created with the sole intention of keeping male eyes glued to the screen. “We’re making sure that the guys who refuse to watch ‘glee’ are like ‘wait a second!” he says. So how does this sound, fellas?: young girls in cheerleader uniforms shaking it like a Polaroid picture, and a grand finale featuring flame-shooting boobs! Niiiice, huh?

You don’t have to wait until Sunday night fellow Gleeks. Click HERE for a sneak peek!!!

DANCING UPDATE: Don't look now, but "Dancing with the Stars" will be back on the small screen sooner than later. The show is set to return March 21 with a two-hour episode!

We still don't know who the "stars" are because the list won't be formally announced until the Feb. 28 episode of "The Bachelor", but rumored to be part of the cast so far are VINCE NEIL, MISCHA BARTON, AND KENDRA WILKINSON.

One of the shows most popular professionals, however, DEREK HOUGH will not return this season. Derek's taking a sabbatical from the show to do the lead role in the upcoming dance movie "Cobu 3D."