Far East Rebranded? What Should Other Parts Of EP Be Called?

The different areas of El Paso have the name of their direction, like the westside, northeast, the Upper Valley, the Lower Valley, Central, and Far East. One City rep says she doesn't want her part of town to be known as the Far East anymore because it has no identity. City Rep. Isabel Salcido said she rebranded Far East to the Upper East at the beginning of this year because a constituent asked her "about creating a new name" for that part of town.

That got Mike and I thinking about what to call other parts of town if they were rebranded:

1. Upper Valley - Junior Leagueton would describe this part of town that has a high income level and a lot of ladies who join the Junior League so they can have great parking at their signature Christmas Fair event.

2. Westside - Lululemonlandia is where the soccer moms live in yoga pants and the kids spend every weekend playing a game that soccer fans are sure is going to be more popular than the NFL in just a few years.

3. Northeast - Crimeville is what most of us think of when we think of that part of town. Deserved or not, be honest, you probably say "Why am I not surprised" when you read a news story of a stabbing or shooting that starts with "Last night in the Northeast, there was a stabbing or a shooting that ended in a man being rushed to the hospital."

4. Lower Valley - Cholo Vista is below I-10, Cielo Vista is above the freeway and where people who get all 'ay ay' live after they finish phlebotomy school.

5. Far East - Donde Estates is how most of us feel when we go to that part of town with its jam-packed streets that lead to a zillion similarly named neighborhoods like Tierra Este Estates, Tierra Aqui Estates, Tierra Mia Estates.

Sorry Rep. Salcido, the Far East will be the Far East forever and ever.