Have you ever opened the door to the fridge in your office only to find something you planned on eating with a bite taken out of it, or worse, gone all together? That happened to me with a bottle of milk about two years ago. I wrote an email about it, and this morning, the guy who make the most fun of me left his sammich in the fridge!
I should have held it hostage. But no, I decided to be an adult and just take a picture of his note and revisit a similar note I left after a number of milk snatchings drove me to vent. Feel free to print and use at your office!
From: Patricia Martinez
Sent: Thu 7/17/2008 4:39 AM
If you are the thief who insists eating and drinking out the refrigerator with wild abandon and no regard to fact that you didn't buy what you are consuming, please read on. If not, forgive my rant.
I am not your mother. I am not your wife, girlfriend, guardian, sister, or at this point in the morning now that I have had to go out to replace the milk that you stole, your friend. I am the person who gets here in the morning to do a show and opens the refrigerator and sees that you have either put your mouth on or poured out the milk that I BOUGHT WITH MY MONEY, and at 4:30 in the morning, had to go BACK OUT TO BUY MORE . If you are unable to buy your own milk, let me know. I would be glad to hold a telethon to raise money to buy your sorry behind some milk. But for now, all I can do is rage against the darkness that is your conscience and ask, no demand, that you STOP TIPTOEING THROUGH THE REFRIGERATOR AND TAKING WHAT IS NOT YOURS.
If you are unclear on the concept of what is yours to consume and what is not, here is a simple question to ask yourself.
DID I BUY THIS?
If you answered no, put it down. Close the refrigerator door and go to the store and BUY YOUR OWN MILK.
I am quite certain that you will not understand this email. It is quite possible that you will get a good laugh out of this WHILE you continue stealing from me. That's fine.
Just know this.
In the future when you are drinking my milk, whoever reads this will know that you are a thief. I know this to some degree of certainty because NO ONE ELSE BUYS MILK IN THIS BUILDING EXCEPT ME. So maybe, at some future time when you are pilfering what is not yours, someone will tell you to stop being a thief. One can only hope.
Thank you and again, I'm sorry about the rant.