High Times, Low State: Texas Senate Targets THC in Latest Buzzkill Bill

Ah, Texas. The land of brisket, cowboy hats, and the occasional legislative head-scratcher. Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick’s latest crusade, Senate Bill 3, is aimed squarely at THC—a move that has retailers and hemp enthusiasts alike bracing for impact. If passed, the bill would ban the sale of all consumable THC products in the state. Yes, you heard that right: Texas is gearing up to outlaw the plant compound that’s been keeping some of its residents relaxed enough to survive Austin traffic.

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The “Dangerous” THC Epidemic

The proposed ban, sponsored by Sen. Charles Perry of Lubbock, is being hailed as a response to unregulated, “potentially dangerous” THC products flooding the market. Patrick paints a dire picture: stores hawking “life-threatening” substances, with children somehow getting swept up in the mix. Forget that legal THC sales already have strict age limits or that regulated products are tested for safety—this bill’s message is clear: THC is bad, mmkay?

Of course, nobody's denying the need for regulation. Industry leaders like Cynthia Cabrera, Chief Strategy Officer at Austin-based Hometown Hero, even agree. “We’d be happy to see age gates and clearer rules,” she said, but banning the industry entirely? That’s like demolishing a house because one window’s cracked.

The Return of Back-Alley “Entrepreneurs”

THC retailer Chris Powers is not mincing words about the fallout. “Customers will go back to buying it illegally on the street,” he warns. Hydroshack Hydroponics, his Houston business, has built a loyal following by offering products tested for purity and safety. “This bill doesn’t stop THC; it just drives it underground,” Powers said.

In other words, Senate Bill 3 might inadvertently spark a renaissance for that old friend of Texas law enforcement: the black market. After all, who needs regulations and taxes when you’ve got Chad with a Ziploc bag full of mystery gummies?

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50,000 Jobs Up in Smoke?

It’s not just about your favorite THC seltzer disappearing from shelves. According to Cabrera, the proposed ban threatens the livelihoods of over 50,000 Texans employed by the hemp industry. And we’re not just talking retail clerks; this ripple effect could hit farmers, truck drivers, and warehouse workers.

When these folks lose their jobs, what’s the plan? Will Dan Patrick personally hand out brisket platters and “We Tried” ribbons? Or are we just supposed to assume everyone will pivot seamlessly to making cowboy hats?

Conclusion

As January approaches and the Texas Legislature prepares to debate Senate Bill 3, one thing’s certain: the fight over THC isn’t just about hemp—it’s about how far lawmakers are willing to go to control an industry that’s been a lifeline for many. So, stock up on your Delta-8 gummies, Texas. They might soon be joining the Alamo in the history books.

In the meantime, maybe the Legislature can brainstorm solutions for actual public health crises—like finding ways to make I-35 less stressful than needing THC in the first place.