El Paso's Bishop Mark Seitz was talking about the so-called La Santa Muerte yesterday, and warning that Catholics shouldn't worship or pray to this 'saint' because she is an anti-saint, or as Mike and I say, she ain't a saint.

La Santa Muerte is pretty nefarious and people pray to her to help them commit crimes and get revenge on other people, so I came up with a list of saints I need in my life:

1. El Santo Taco - This saint will help make sure your taco shells are always crisp and never soggy, and that your tacos de carne molida are always perfectly spiced and filled with delicious guacamole, shredded lettuce, and fresh pico de gallo. Holy day of obligation comes around every Tuesday for this particular saint.

2. El Santo Trafico - This is the saint you pray to when you are in your car and there is a sudden lane closure by TxDOT to fill potholes that popped up overnight. TxDOT doesn't believe in this saint. They're minions of the devil.

3. La Santa Cabello - This well-dressed saint is the patron saint of party girls and hairdressers. She will guide your hairdressers hands and scissors so you always end up looking like you belong on the cover of Cosmo and not on the 'People of Walmart' website.

4. El Santo Dinero - Burn a candle to this saint when you need to go in and ask your boss for a raise. Offerings include Starbucks gift cards because this saint knows if you're willing to spend 5 bucks on a latte, you need a raise.

5. El Santo Barato - This saint is the patron saint of garage sale junkies, but you can say a little prayer to him when you're wishing for that amazing pair of shoes or Dooney bag you've always wanted to go on sale. You'll always find candles for this saint in the clearance bin or at the Dollar Store.

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