LOHAN LUNACY: 1.) If LINDSAY LOHAN was hoping for mercy yesterday in her felony theft case, she left the courthouse sadly disappointed. A no-nonsense judge told her if she accepted a plea deal from prosecutors, he would sentence her to jail.

Superior Court Judge Keith Schwartz said, "This case does involve jail time. Period. If you plead in front of me, if this case is resolved in front of me, you are going to jail. Period."

Linds was reportedly offered a deal that would have landed her behind bars for six months. Judge Schwartz also told Lindsay that if she settles the case with him, he'll make her get therapy and a reliable sponsor, someone outside her family who is, quote, "not moved by anything other than seeing that you succeed."

She's set to return to court on March 10th, when she has to decide to take a plea deal or go to trial for allegedly stealing a $2,500 necklace. (--If she decides to fight the charges, the case will be heard by a different judge.)

2.) But enough about the legalities, what did Lindsay wear to court this time is what we want to know!!! You'll recall she caused a sensation in a tight-fitting dress during her last visit to court.

This time she looked a little classier in high-waisted white pants and a low-cut black top -- although she *did* show a bit of cleavage ...

3.) Video of Lindsay's arrival, and the judge brow-beating her ...

CRYING TIME: Why was JENNIFER LOPEZ sobbing uncontrollably on last night's "American Idol"???  Scroll down for the answer ...

REVEALED! WHY JEN-AN GOT RID OF 'THE RACHEL':Like JUSTIN BIEBER'S before her, JENNIFER ANISTON'S new 'do has received mixed reviews. Love it or hate it, the REAL reason behind the OTHER HAIR CUT THAT SHOCKED THE WORLD was revealed by her longtime hairdresser yesterday.

Jen, he said, didn't want to look like an extra from the "Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills." ... "There are so many long, layered hairstyles and — don’t get me wrong, I love that," Chris McMillan told Allure magazine. "But The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills all have that. You know what I mean?"

CHARLIE SHEEN-ANIGANS: 1.) Best. Rehab. Ever. If I ever have to rehab, I want to do rehab CHARLIE SHEEN style! Sheen hopped on a jet yesterday with his two new girlfriends AND his ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, and headed to an island near the Bahamas. TMZ says Charlie and the ladies are enjoying a "private adult vacation" without the kiddies. He is either back on the crack, a stone cold pimp or both!!!

2.) Yes, Brooke is apparently back in the picture. RadarOnline is reporting she's even moved back in with Charlie along with their twin boys and the nannies. No word on exactly the status of Brooke and Charlie's relationship, but Brooke's dad says she's not in Charlie's house permanently. Just until Charlie buys the house he promised for her and the kids.

ROMANCE REPORT: 1.)Us magazine says RIHANNA is secretly dating RYAN PHILLIPPE. According to an insider, "She thinks he's hot. They totally had sex. And it wasn't even the first time!" The source says their first hookup occurred back in December, when Rihanna broke up with the L.A. Dodgers baseball player she was seeing.

Let's not forget yesterday's rumor Rihanna is supposedly sexting COLIN FARRELL. If you had to make a choice, who'd you rather ladies?

2.) KATHY GRIFFIN has reportedly been spending some quality time with ISAIAH MUSTAFA, the super sexy OLD SPICE GUY. Although his rep says they're just friends who enjoy hanging out together.

3.)DEMI LOVATO, The 18-year-old Disney star who recently left rehab, is said to be getting all smoove up with former "That '70s Show" star WILMER VALDERRAMA, aka "Fez"!!! According to Us magazine, the two have been "quietly" dating since her May 2010 split from JOE JONAS Joe Jonas. (--Wilmer, by the way is 31!!!)

COVER SHOT:  "Real Housewives of Atlanta"'s KIM ZOLCIAK really needs to lose some weight!!!

MARIAH'S MILLION:WikiLeaks' latest unearthed scandal involves ... wait for it ... MARIAH CAREY. According to some "diplomatic cables" the site recently released, Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi offered Mariah $1 MILLION for a private concert in 2009, and she readily agreed. (--Technically, it was Gaddafi's son who paid the bill, and it went down at a private party on the Caribbean island of St. Barts, not in Libya.)

So what did Mariah have to do to earn the dough? Perform FOUR songs. That means she was paid a quarter-million per song. Nice work if you can get it, huh? The documents also reveal the family had another party in St. Barts last year, and had BEYONCÉ and USHER on the bill. Supposedly, that also came with a $1 million price tag.

MILEY MANIA:BILLY RAY CYRUS is backpedaling after making daughter MILEY mad. In an interview with "GQ" last week, Billy Ray said fame "destroyed" his family and that he was "scared" for Miley. Now, he tells "People" magazine those comments were "explosive" and that he's working on "mending my family right now."

CRYING TIME:  So why was Jennifer Lopez sobbing uncontrollably on last night's "American Idol"??? 

Last night was the night she and STEVEN TYLER, and RANDY JACKSON had to narrow the field down to the Top 24, and J-Lo was driven to tears when she had to give fan-favorite Chris Medina the boot.

(--Chris is the guy who's been taking care of his fiancee, who suffered massive brain damage after a car crash in 2009.)