CBP Busts “Cheeky Smuggler” For Butt Drugs

Smuggling drugs across the U.S.-Mexico border is a high-stakes game, but every now and then, someone enters the arena with a plan so audacious, so bold, so...anatomically unwise, that it defies logic. Enter the “cheeky smuggler,” a 26-year-old American man who attempted to bring meth into El Paso by, well, clenching it between his butt cheeks.

Yes, this is real because its not something made up in movies. We see it in movies because it existed in real life first, drug smuggles love using their body cavities to hide stuff in because...who would expect it?? And yes, the U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) actually dubbed him the “cheeky smuggler,” proving that even federal agents can’t resist a good pun when it’s right there for the taking.

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A Sniff Too Far

According to KFOX14, a story from my friend David (who deserves all the credit for bringing this story to us), the suspect was caught early Sunday morning at the Ysleta International Crossing. He was just minding his own business, walking across the bridge, when a drug-sniffing dog detected something suspicious. That something turned out to be two tightly packed parcels of methamphetamine, weighing 0.32 pounds, nestled in what one might call his personal storage compartment.

CBP officers patted him down and, sure enough, found the contraband wedged firmly between his butt cheeks. A sight most border agents see pretty frequently, experts in their craft rarely flinch at butt drugs.

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CBP’s Unintended Comedy Gold

While smuggling drugs rectally is, unfortunately, nothing new, the decision by CBP to nickname this suspect the “cheeky smuggler” is what truly elevates this from a crime report to a work of art. Officials even released a photo of the “peculiarly shaped” packages, because if there’s anything the public needed, it was a visual aid to drive the point home. Click the link to see the photo.

CBP Ysleta Port Director Arnie Gomez later praised his officers, saying that body carriers are a challenge to detect but, thankfully, their “keen observational skills” and canine support helped make this arrest possible. One has to wonder if the dog that made the bust is getting a bonus treat for what must have been a very unfortunate discovery.

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What’s Next for the “Cheeky Smuggler”?

After his humiliating attempt at narcotics trafficking, the suspect was turned over to Homeland Security Investigations. His identity hasn’t been revealed (probably for the best), but he’ll likely be facing federal drug charges and possibly a lifetime of side-eye from correctional officers.

For now, let this be a cautionary tale: if your smuggling plan involves your own body cavities, reconsider your life choices. And if CBP gives you a nickname that belongs in a bad Austin Powers sequel, just know that your criminal legacy is now immortalized in the annals of absurdity.

Thanks again to David from KFOX14 for bringing this story into our lives.