Every family has its strange holiday traditions and some of those include dressing up tiny, innocent infants as the world’s most famous elderly gift giver. Here’s a list of the 7 different kinds of Santa Babies you might end up meeting online or in real life this holiday season. And lest you think that we’re making fun of the babies in these photos, relax and have some gingerbread. We’re just celebrating the many types of kids who help bring cheer to the holiday season. Happy holidays!
There are children who are smarter than adults and then there are babies who are already more cranky than adults. They’re not going to try to be cute for your photo. They know that life is a raw deal and no amount of blinking lights on a tree or Jackie Evancho songs
are going to make it better. You’re wasting their time dressing them up in a cute costume. It’s just yet another stop on the train to CryTown, of which this little guy is the mayor of.
You know how there are some people who are perpetually chipper no matter what? It can be a rainy Monday morning, but they are all smiles and asking you to tell them all about the ‘Law & Order’ marathon you watched all weekend. These people didn’t just become that way when they graduated college– they were born that way. This baby is an adorably perky. If this baby were an adult in your office, it would be less adorable and more annoying. The cheeks are its only saving grace.
Babies have no body image issues because when you don’t know how to sit up by yourself, you don’t know that you’re supposed to be embarrassed by how your stomach rolls and makes you look fatter when you sit down. They don’t even know what fat is. Because they’re babies. So babies can enjoy eating and drinking and not moving all day without a sense of guilt or an ounce of shame. They have a true lust for life equal to that of Shakespeare’s Falstaff. Food! Fun! Naps!
It’s hard to be a baby. There are lights blinding you, sounds deafening you and even lifting your own skull is a chore. Sometimes, you don’t even know if the person holding you is mommy or some random clerk at the local Target. So when your parents put you in a weird costume and prop you up against a spacey white background, you aren’t going to look like a GQ model. You’re going to be an awkward baby in a Santa suit. It’s cool. One day you’ll grow up, and never be photographed wearing a Santa suit again. Well, unless you get really drunk at the office holiday party.
The “That’s Kind of Wrong” Santa Baby
If you want to raise a daughter who will be wearing “sexy Mrs. Claus” costumes when she’s 22, why not dress her in a Juicy Couture-inspired Santa outfit? Add a Carrie Bradshaw-style tutu and a hat to cover any remaining soft spots on her head, and you have one sassy Santa baby. Just make sure you’re saving a little extra for therapy bills when you put aside money for the college fund.
The Santa Baby on the Verge of a Mental Breakdown
Remember how we mentioned that it’s hard to be a baby? Well, imagine not being able to even cry because you’ve been pinned into a cute photo op? You’d be at your wits end. Your teeny tiny baby wits end. You’d be a Santa baby on the verge of a nervous breakdown. It’s okay. You’ll get ‘em back later that night when they’re trying to sleep. That’s when you pull out the old “it’s 3am and I need some Similac now” trick.
When Handel added the song “For Unto Us A Child Is Born” to his Christmas masterpiece “Messiah,” he thought he was writing about the baby Jesus. Nope. Turns out, he was really writing about this child. Look at this wittle guy! This baby is thrilled to even be associated with Santa. This baby is cuter than a monkey riding on a dog’s back.
This baby brings hope back to the holiday season. This baby is a holiday miracle. In essence, this baby is Santa Claus.