SEXUAL SANTA ... For the past 20 years, 68 year old John Toomey has played Santa Claus at the Macy's in Union Square in San Francisco, and he says for as long as he's been playing Santa, he's made the same two jokes to adults.
When an adult woman sits on his lap, he asks her if she's been good. When she says "Yes," he responds, "Gee that's too bad." And if they ask why Santa's so jolly, he says, quote, "It's because I know where all the naughty boys and girls live."

Well, recenlty, he used one fo them on an older woman who sat on his lap and she was so GROSSLY OFFENDED by them, she complained to Macy's management. And apparently one person complaining was enough for Macy's to fire him.

What kind of an America do we live in when a department store Santa can’t make a double entendre? What’s next? He’ll have to go ‘Ha, Ha, Ha’ because he’s not allowed to say ‘ho’?

He won’t be able to make any references to his little elf, or the north pole? He can’t mention Santa’s toy sack … and if he mentions Christmas stockings, he can’t use the phrase ‘hung with care’? Attica!

COME TO SCHOOL SAGGING, YOU'LL GET URKELED ... Bobby White - the principal at Westside Middle School in Memphis, Tennessee, has a new policy to get kids to hike up their pants:

If a student is caught wearing baggy pants that sag down below their waist, White and the other teachers hike the kid's pants up above the waist and use plastic zip-ties to tighten them up, just like STEVE URKEL on "Family Matters".

Once a kid is Urkeled, they take a photo and put it on a wall of shame. And it seems to be working. At least until the inevitable lawsuit. One teacher says that they're now Urkeling kids 80% less than when they started.

REAL (WO)MAN OF GENIUS ... 18-year-old Hayley Powell of Gaston, North Carolina got into a minor car accident whilde under the influence of prescription drugs and didn't want a DWI, so she came up with a plan.

She left the scene of the accident and talked her mom Robin – who was riding shotgun - into SWITCHING SEATS, so it would look like the mom, Robin, caused the accident. There was only one problem, though.

Hayley's mom was ALSO on drugs at the time. DOH! The cops quickly unraveled the entire master plan and BOTH of the Powell ladies were arrested.This isn't exactly GOOD mother-daughter bonding, but I guess with teenage girls you take what you can get, huh?