The Stupid News: Ancient Language May Die Out Because the Only People Who Still Speak It Refuse To Speak To Each Other

ANCIENT LANGUAGE MAY DIE OUT BECAUSE THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO STILL SPEAK IT REFUSE TO SPEAK TO EACH OTHER ... There's an ancient language in southeast Mexico called Ayapaneco, and according to a linguistic anthropologist, there are only TWO people left in the world fluent in it. But they hate each other so much; they REFUSE TO SPEAK to one another. Consequently, no one is conversing in Ayapaneco, putting the language at risk of extinction.

The men, 75-year-old Manuel Segovia and 69-year-old Isidro Velazquez, live less than a mile apart, and have, quote, "never really enjoyed each other's company." A linguistic anthropologist from Indiana University, who's been meeting with them, says that’s not the only problem: they also won't teach anyone new the language.

Manuel – the 75 year old - has tried in the past but apparently he's, quote, "a little prickly" and gets frustrated when people don't pick things up quickly. Isidro doesn't like to leave his house and doesn't want to bother teaching anyone.

Linguists have been trying to compile some sort of record of the language while both of the men are still alive, but it looks more and more like their feud and stubbornness will kill off their language.

MASSEUSE BUSTED FOR PROSTITUTION AND HER NAME IS QUITE FITTING … Police in Columbus, Georgia recently ran an undercover sting at a few shady massage parlors, trying to catch masseuses offering – how should we say? - wonderful extra ways to end their services.

At one of the places, they busted a masseuse who told the undercover cop she'd perform on him for $100, or have sex with him for $200. And that masseuse's name? HO SUK KIM!!! Yes, sometimes the comedy writes itself.

IS THAT A DYE PACK IN YOU PANTS OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME? A man – as yet unidentified – held up the Bank of America in Winter Park, Florida, earlier this week. Along with the cash, the teller slipped an exploding dye pack into the bag.

As he was leaving the bank, the man found the dye pack, carefully took it out, and put it in his pocket. But as he ran off, the pack exploded leaving a huge dye stain all over his pants. The blast was even strong enough to INJURE the guy, forcing him to limp into an Italian restaurant to try to recover. Employees called the police, who caught up with the Genius less than a block away.

MAN ARRESTED AFTER HE FREAKS OUT OVER A MARKER CAP ... Police were recently called to a Fort Walton Beach, Florida nightclub after as yet unidentified man started making a disturbance. The cops asked him to leave, but he said he wouldn't until the club gave him back two things of his they'd confiscated: a bull whip and the cap to a dry-erase marker. Not the marker itself. Just the cap.

The club gave him back the whip, but couldn't find the cap to his marker. That’s when the dude freaked out! He told the cops he was a sniper with the Marines and he'd kill them. He again refused to leave the club, so they handcuffed him and put him in the back of a police van, whereupon he proceded to kick out the windows. They then took him out of the van to shackle his legs, and he responded by running headfirst into the side of the van. Repeatedly.

He was eventually subdued, and has been charged with trespassing, criminal mischief property damage, and resisting an officer. Yes, all that over the CAP to a dry-erase marker.