Butterball staffs a help line this time of the year that people can call in case of a turkey emergency.

On average, the Turkey Talk-Line fields about 200,000 calls each holiday season, so as you can imagine, some of the questions can be truly bewildering. The website Foodbeast compiled a collection of some of the more comically absurd. Here are five of them:

  • "How do I roast my turkey so it gets golden brown tan lines in the shape of a bikini." The recommendation was strategically using foil.
  • "Why doesn't my turkey have any breast meat?" It turned out the turkey was upside-down.
  • "I carved my turkey with a chainsaw. Is the chain grease going to adversely affect my turkey?" They did not endorse serving a turkey with chain grease.
  • "I won my turkey at a casino, and it thawed on my lap while I rode the bus home. Can I eat it?" They didn't recommend eating it after it thawed in warm temperatures.
  • "How much will my turkey expand when it cooks." The answer is not at all.