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Mike’s Friday Morning Monologue: Schwarzenegger, The End of The World, and Seal Team Six

MIKE'S FRIDAY MORNING MONOLOGUE (5/20/11): Mike's end of the week stab at being a late night TV comedian. This week, Mike clowns on Arnold Schwarzenegger, the end of the world proclamation, bin Laden and the Navy Seal Team that took him out, plus Mariah Carey, and more

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Scott Barbour/Getty Images
Scott Barbour/Getty Images
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Hollywood Dirt: Katie Perry – Don’t Look At Her, Don’t Speak To Her & Is Kirstie Alley Hooking Up With Romeo???!!!

THE KATIE PERRY TOUR RIDER - DON'T LOOK AT HER, DON'T SPEAK TO HER: The Smoking Gun website got its hands on KATY PERRY’S tour rider, and evidently Katy hates carnations and chauffeurs who try to speak to her. (-- A rider is a set of requests or demands that a performer will set as criteria for performance.)

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Larry Busacca/Getty Images
Larry Busacca/Getty Images
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Hollywood Dirt: Bin Laden Had the Hots for Whitney!!! Lindsay Tweets Pic of ‘Stalker’ & Video of Kym Johnson’s Fall

WTW??? BIN LADEN HAD THE HOTS FOR WHITNEY!!!:Every day we're finding out more and more about Osama bin Laden's terror plots. Like that the Eiffel Tower and the U.S. Capitol were on his hit list. And, oh yeah, singer BOBBY BROWN, too!!!

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Hollywood Dirt: Lindsay Lohan Gets Slap On The Wrist & ‘A-list’ Celeb Being Sued For Giving STD!!!

CELEBRITY COURT – LINDSAY LOHAN: As expected, LINDSAY LOHAN pleaded no contest to the misdemeanor theft charge yesterday, and - as expected - she won't get any jail time beyond the 120 days she was already sentenced to for violating her probation.

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Harrison/Getty
Harrison/Getty
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Hollywood Dirt: “‘Dem Babies” Have Names But Mariah Wants Us To Guess & Eva Longoria’s ‘Husband’ Gets a D.U.I.

"'DEM BABIES" HAVE NAMES BUT MARIAH PLAYS GAME: MARIAH CAREY and NICK CANNON haven’t officially announced the names of their recently-born twins, but Mariah revealed a clue via Twitter yesterday. The new mom says both names begin with "M"s.

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Kevin Winter/Getty Images
Kevin Winter/Getty Images
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Hollywood Dirt: Betty White vs Lindsay Lohan!!! Who You Got???

LINDSAY LOHAN vs BETTY WHITE!!! WHO YOU GOT???: BETTY WHITE blasted LINDSAY LOHAN in a British tabloid over the weekend, and according to TMZ, Lohan is telling friends the Golden Girl has no right to judge her.

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Michael Buckner/Getty Images
Michael Buckner/Getty Images
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Hollywood Dirt: Charlie Sheen bombing, not winning

CHALIE'S SHEEN-ANIGANS: CHARLIE SHEEN was definately not "winning" when his debut stage show in Detroit was greeted with boos, heckles, and refund demands from an angry audience ... those who didn't walk out in the middle of the show, that is.

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Max Morse/Getty Images
Max Morse/Getty Images
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Hollywood Dirt: Is Britney a Pill Popping Zombie??? Lindsay Falls & Carrie Ann Inaba’s TV Proposal

BRITNEY SPEARS COULD BE TRUE COULD BE CRAP: BRITNEY SPEARS is back at the top of the charts and getting ready to go on tour, but according to Britain’s not-always-reliable The London Sun , “she’s on the most painfully stage-managed promotional tour showbiz has ever seen.”

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Harrison/Getty
Harrison/Getty
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Dirt: Mariah’s Near Birth Experience & Kirstie and GLo Kiss and Make Up

MARIAH (ALMOST) GIVES BIRTH ON HER BIRTHDAY: MARIAH CAREY thought she was going to became a mom late Saturday night. Mariah was rushed to the hospital thinking she was having contractions, but it turned out to be a false alarm.

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BET
BET
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Dirt: Chris Brown Sorry, Lindsay Lohan To Pass on Deal

CHRS BROWN SORRY:I CHRIS BROWN has publicly apologized for his backstage temper tantrum following the now infamous "Good Morning America" interview. On BET's 106 and Park yesterday, Chris said

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ellen
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Dirt: Ellen Confronts Selena Gomez About Bieber!!! & Is Lindsay Drinking Again???

ELLEN CONFRONTS SELENA: ELLEN DeGENERES gave SELENA GOMEZ a bit of a hard time yesterday, and this one went a lot better than the Robin Roberts / Chris Brown on-air confrontation.

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Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images
Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images
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Dirt: Break ups, Hook ups, & an Embarrassing Childhood Photo

ROMANCE REPORT: Add BRADLEY COOPER and RENEE ZELLWEGER to the list of Hollywood couples who've fallen out of love. Apparently Bradley has decided he can do better and has reportedly broken up with her after a two-year romance.

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