REAL (WO)MAN OF GENIUS … Lacharion Butler of St. Petersburg, Florida, was arrested and charged with carjacking with a deadly weapon after she used a sharp object to cut a cab driver and force him out of the cab.

She was quickly arrested because the Genius actually CALLED for the cab FROM HER HOME, which of course meant she had to give the dispatcher her address. Insert sad trumpet sound effect here!

REAL MEN OF GENIUS … Not long after five guys robbed a Gadsden, Alabama bank and demanded the manager open the vault and fill their bag with money, they jumped into their getaway car, and opened the bag to peep at their loot. That’s when the red dye pack EXPLODED.

So they ditched that stolen car and stole another one. But in their haste, they forgot to close up the money bag, and roll up their windows. So as they drove off, dollar bills started flying out the window. A couple of cops just happened to be in the neighborhood and spotted the money flying around so they followed the money trail until they caught up with the guys. They've all been charged with bank robbery.

TWO BROTHERS, A HALF EATEN PIECE OF CHICKEN AND A CROWBAR. THIS CAN'T END WELL ... If you still don’t believe we need to make fried chicken illegal in this country because it promotes violent behavior, and destroys families, please read on.

37-year-old Tony Morris and his 41-year-old brother, Thomas, were recently in Akron, Ohio visiting their mother. They were both watching TV and getting their grub on when Tony went into the kitchen to get himself another piece of the fried chicken his mom had cooked when he noticed someone had taken a bite of the chicken and put it back in the pan.

Naturally, this ticked him off, and, of course, he thought his brother Thomas was the culprit, so he marched back into the living room and THREW the piece of chicken at him. Thomas denied taking the bite, they argued, and eventually decided to take things outside to, quote, "handle [it] like men." Handling things like a man evidently meant Tony using a crowbar to bonk his brother on the head repeatedly, and Tony using a shovel to defend himself.

 Cops eventually showed up and arrested Tony for felonious assault, and Thomas was taken to the hospital to get stitches on his forehead. As for the chicken, it turns out their mom had taken the bite.