Stupid News: The Fat Roll Bandits & Empanada Power

EMPANADA POWER ... Here’s one from the Las Cruces Sun News: A man walked into Amigo's Mexican Restaurant in Deming, New Mexico and tried to grab the cash register but the lady behind the counter wasn't having any of that.

So she grabbed the closest thing to her -- which happened to be a bag of EMPANADAS --and chucked them at the dude. The empanadas hit him in the head, which momentarily stunned him and caused him to drop the cash register. Police are still looking for him

THE FAT ROLL BANDITS ... 28-year-old Ailene Brown and 37-year-old Shmeco Thomas of Edmond, Oklahoma were busted recently for shoplifting at a TJ Maxx.

Security guards caught them red-handed with four pairs of boots, three pairs of jeans, a wallet, and gloves - altogether 2600 bucks worth of stuff, get this; jammed under their breasts, armpits, and between their CHUBBY ROLLS OF LOVE!

Here are thier mugshots. Sadly, they're only from the neck up...

Okay…I’m a little round, but at least I can’t hide a pair of Red Wing Work Boots under one breast. All I have in MY fat rolls is lint and sweat.

JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIES. EXCEPT FOR THE RUNNING OUT OF GAS PART ... Jacory Phillips of Albany, Georgia recently pulled off a car theft you only see in movies.

He broke into a Nissan dealership in Albany, grabbed the keys to a 2011 Nissan Altima, and drove it THROUGH the glass showroom doors and right off the lot.

But 50 miles later, something happened to him that never happens in the movies. The car ran out of gas, forcing Jacory to roll into a gas station and start begging people for gas money. Insert sad 'Wah Wah Wah Wah' sound effect here.

The gas station attendant called the po-po, who showed up and arrested Jacory.