MAN WINS CAR BY HAVING HIS MOST PRIVATE OF AREAS TATTOOED ... Andreas Muller of Sachsen Anhalt, Germany won a $32,000 MINI Cooper from a German radio station by ... wait for it ... letting them tattoo the word "MINI" on his man thing!!! Pardon me while I cringe.

The station was giving away the car to the person who did the, quote, "craziest, most idiotic stunt". Andreas says the tat was insanely painful but, quote, "Once I'm sitting in the car, it won't matter anymore."

What Andreas did was totally crazy and idiotic. I mean, a car worth 32 grand is cool, but is that really the place you want to have the word "mini" tattooed?

ON A RELATED NOTE ... The Hollister clothing company awarded college freshman Lizzy Marola a 1978 Volkswagen Microbus because of her badunkadunk. Hollister held a contest on its Facebook page inviting people to submit a photo of their backside, then allowed fans to vote.

In the end - pun intended - Lizzy Marola won the customized 1978 Volkswagen Microbus. In her honor, it came complete with junk in it's trunk! Hi-Yo! Thanks for coming, I'll be here all week! 

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO 'EWWWW' ...I think we've all been in a situation like this before; You

gotta go, and I mean bad, so you rush into the closest store and ask to use the bathroom. That was the case for a Finspang, Sweden man - name withheld. He had to drop the kids off at the pool, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

So he went into a store and asked the employee if he could use their toilet. She said health codes prohibited her from opening their bathroom up to the public. So he responded by . . . DOING HIS BUSINESS RIGHT THERE AND THEN while all the while yelling insults at the employee. When he was finished, he got up, grabbed some candy, and left the store leaving behind his soiled underwear and his pile of excrement.

He was in court this week and was sentenced to eight months in prison, plus an extra two months because all this happened while he was out on parole.