Stupid News: Country Makes It Illegal to Fart & Immigration Officer Gets Rid of Wife By Putting Her On Terrorist List
COUNTRY MAKES FARTING ILLEGAL … The African country of Malawi just made it illegal to PASS GAS in public. The decision to punish people who repeatedly, quote, "foul the air" was made to help "mould responsible and disciplined citizens."
So if for some ungodly reason you ever take a trip to Malawi you best remember to clench those buttocks nice and tight. Because if you let one slip, you won’t just be breaking wind, you’ll be breaking the law!!! And don’t think you can get away with an “S.B.D”, either. They’ll get you for ‘Assault with a Silent but Deadly Weapon’
NOW THIS IS HOW YOU ABUSE YOUR POWER … An immigration officer in England – his name hasn’t been released - wanted to end things with his wife but didn’t want to man up and tell her face to face. So he devised the most evil, illegal plan his line of work would allow him; he put her name on the Terrorist Watch list!!!
While his wife was out of the country visiting family in Pakistan, he used his clearance to add her name to every possible Terrorist Watch List he could. That way, she'd never be allowed back into Britain and he'd be a free man. And it worked!!! She couldn't get back into the country for THREE YEARS. It wasn’t until recently when he was up for a promotion and his bosses were vetting him that the scheme unraveled.
While looking into his background, they found out his wife was a suspected terrorist and started digging deeper and deeper until they finally put all the pieces together and figured out what he'd done. So instead of being promoted, he was fired for gross misconduct. His wife has been taken off of the watch lists and allowed back into England.
A FUNERAL PARTY ... There's a new trend popping up around the country: Funeral homes are making extra money by marketing themselves as event centers. A recent survey found 10% of Funeral homes around the country are expanding to include extra rooms for weddings, birthdays and anniversary parties to offer “ alternative uses for their facilities.” That sounds like a bad "Weekend at Bernie’s" sequel waiting to happen, dontcha think? But, hey, if you’ve always thought your parties could raise the dead, here’s your chance to prove it!