Spring Break is Over, Now Get Ready for Drama-Fest!
For those of you getting ready to go back to your work station after spring break, we know that life between those padded cubicle walls is pretty hardcore. It could be likened to life on the streets but with less bullets and more printers that have no paper!!!
Just The Facts
1. EVERYONE you work with is an POO-POO head
2. EVERYONE you work with thinks the same thing
The Experienced But Clueless
The go-not-to person. This one was sitting in a desk while construction workers were still screaming about the concrete being wet. Sitting a perch many years of "being there", they rose through the ranks by pure "not-job searching". This person, while touting more time in the building than in a normal marriage, honestly has no clue. Their only true achievement seems to form the perfectly shaped butt impression in their chair. Unfortunately for you and everyone else, they are a mindless drone. Even though the process of diffusion should somehow imbue them with knowledge, they seem to be an impermeable wall.
They are one of the most feared but nicest people at the office. They have only one operating mode; observe and report. They wait for everyone’s mistakes and run to the corner office like they are a contestant on the Price is Right, and the big boss is Drew Carey. Slowly amassing intel on your daily activities of Cracked reading and online Sudoku playing. You're also pretty sure they have a graph of your bathroom breaks. The bad news is that most bosses love having a lap dog.
The Almost Manager
This is the person who lives their life through a complete delusion of grandeur based on the idea that they are or will be your boss. Desperately attempting to prove their worth, they will demean the hell out of you to show how boss-worthy they are. They work right beside you doing the same darn thing you do... just less of it.
The Hey-Day Bragger
Living in the past where he was actually worth something, he brags about things that happened before all this "paperless" stuff happened. He spends his day telling about the good old days when accounts were recorded on cards and you had to walk to work, occasionally engaging a bear in combat. While he might have had some value to the company back in the day when bread didn't come in that fancy "sliced" variety that seems to be all the rage nowadays, his only use seems to be keeping floor tiles from floating away.
The Storm Cloud
No matter what is happening there is a terrible thing on the horizon, unfortunately it is true, and they know. Which makes admitting they are right so much harder. Management announces they are acquiring a new surveillance system for "security" purposes, Negative-Nancy over here thinks it’s to see how many smoke breaks people take. You ask this person how they're doing, they will hold your ear hostage for 15 minutes explaining their various medical conditions and how the
company insurance isn't good enough. Speaking of which, if the company decides to switch insurance providers, you might as well just quit. The groaning and moaning about how "No one accepts this insurance", will make it seem like you are in "Ground Hog Day", except days actually do pass, and its still not advisable to allow any animal drive your car, even if it’s that lovable Toonces. They constantly hold pity parties and not so much that you get an invite, but get sucked into a black hole of despair that would make putting down puppies look fun…nooooooo…