BABY POOP - MINI SIMON COWELL ON THE WAY?!: SIMON COWELL is reportedly about to become a father -- with his good friend's wife. Wait, whaaa??? (PHOTO) (PHOTO)

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According to Us Weekly, New York socialite Lauren Silverman is carrying the spawn of Satan Simon even though Lauren is technically still married to Simon's friend Andrew Silverman, a New York real estate mogul. Sources say Andrew and Lauren "have been unhappy in their marriage for some time" and that she's in the process of divorce. Lauren is about 10 weeks along.

LINDSAY LOHAN FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST!: Right on schedule, LINDSAY LOHAN was released from rehab yesterday and was nothing but smiles. (PHOTO) (PHOTO)

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TMZ is reporting that Lindsay connected with a “sober coach” and will spend the rest of the week transitioning from rehab in a lower-level program, possibly a sober-living house. People around her say she really seems to want to conquer her demons, and she's concerned about her transition back into the real world. As we told you yesterday, LoHo already has a post-rehab gig lined up, guest hosting Chelsea Lately thsi coming Monday, August 5th.

GISELE BUNDCHEN'S CONTROVERSIAL BABY PHOTO: Another week, another celebrity parenting controversy. This time it’s supermodel GISELE BUNDCHEN who has the Internet in an uproar over a photo she posted online of baby Vivian in gold stud earrings. Click on THIS LINK to see the picture and weigh in on the controversy.

WATCH KRISTEN STEWART CURSES OUT PAPARAZZO: KRISTEN STEWART went off on a photographer as she was waiting for her ride outside a building in Los Angeles. K-Stew had enough of the paparazzi and was hiding behind a gate.When one of the camera guys asked her “why are you saying f**k off?” Kristen responded, quote,“Because you're a piece of s**t and you don't deserve to breathe the same air I do."

On a related Kristen Stewart note ... After KATY PERRY was photographed with ROBERT PATTINSON earlier this year, many gossip sites claimed something was going on between them. Well, in a new interview with Elle UK, Perry says she contacted Stewart to put her mind at ease. "I sent her a text message saying, ‘I know you've seen all this stuff, but you know I would never disrespect you. I'm not that person. I'm just trying to be a friend to him but it is unfortunate that I do have a set of t*ts.’”

COVER SHOT - KATY PERRY: Katy graces the September issue of Elle UK ...

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In the accompanying interview, Perry sheds some light on her relationship with JOHN MAYER, confirming they briefly broke up in March. “He pulled away. That was a big hello for me. I realized I could lose the person I loved and I had to deal with some things, issues I think a lot of women have.You can be strong in one aspect of your life but submissive in another.” She added, “The men I have gone for are challenging, yes, but they’re also wildly intelligent and poetic. I’m not interested in taming anyone. I’m pretty wild myself.”

CELEBRITIES BEHAVING BADLY - REAL HOUSEWIFE TERESA GUIDICE SURRENDERS TO THE FEDS: As expected, Real Housewives of New Jersey stars TERESA GUIDICE and her husband Joe surrendered to federal authorities Tuesday morning (PHOTO)

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Each of them is free on $500,000 bond. They had to turn in their passports and are restricted to traveling in New Jersey and New York. Joe, who's not a U.S. citizen, will also be subject to drug testing. The Guidices, who are facing 39 counts of various frauds, will be arraigned on August 14th.

ROMANCE REPORT: KATE UPTON and MAKSIM CHMERKOVSKIY went to an event the other night, then out to a club afterwards. They tried not to be photographed together, but, yeah, that didn't work out. (PHOTO)

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Meanwhile, some blabber mouth who was at the club tells E! News, "They walked in holding hands. They weren't trying to hide the rumors they are together." The official word, however, is that the two "are just good friends."

CELEBRITIES WITHOUT MAKEUP: (1.) ANNE HATHAWAY sweaty and without makeup after a workout. (PHOTO) (2.) Fast and Furious star MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ bare faced and casually dressed while out  in NYC on Tuesday. (PHOTO)

SHAKIRA SHOWS US HER PICS: SHAKIRA loaded up a couple of new snapshots to her Twitter account, including a "small recap of our vacation" and an adorable shot of son Milan ...

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DEAR RYAN GOSLING, PLEASE MAKE A SEX TAPE: The male celebrity fans most want to see make a sex tape is ... RYAN GOSLING! Smut peddlers Adult movie company Vivid Entertainment conducted the poll and found that 21.6 percent of respondents voted for Ryan to videotape his sexploits. BRAD PITT came in second with 17.2 percent, followed by CHANNING TATUM with 15.6 percent.

R.I.P. - EILEEN BRENNAN: EILEEN BRENNAN, best known for her portrayal of the tough-as-nails drill sergeant in the Goldie Hawn movie Private Benjamin, died Sunday at age 80. Brennan passed away in a Burbank, California hospice after a battle with bladder cancer.

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