What would Jesus do with a $1,000 tax return? I’m certain not what 21-year-old Jesus Mata Junior of La Feria, Texas did – blow it all on dancers. The South Texas baller is in deep doo-doo with both the law and his wife after he cashed the check from Uncle Sam and immediately made it rain at a strip club. After the rain stopped and he’d blown through the entire one grand, Jesus knew he was screwed – and not in a good way.

Jesus, as I mentioned, is married and half of that refund belonged to his wife. So he came up with a can’t miss plan: he called the police and told them six men with assault weapons held him up and took all his cash. The police searched the area, followed leads, tried to hunt down gun men, and of course, didn't turn up anything. So they talked to Jesus again, pointed out some inconsistencies in his story and got him to admit he was lying.

He was arrested for filing a false report, but his real punishment has yet to be determined. No word from his wife what that will be. Me? I’d rather stay in jail.