Mike’s the Stupid News: DUI Suspect Thought Cigarette Pack Was His Cell Phone

A Florida man, who had been involved in an accident, was reportedly in such a drunken stupor, he tried to make a call using a pack of cigarettes.

Sherriff’s deputies responding to the call found Joseph Jeffrey Holliday so inebriated, he was unable to stand up.

According to the arrest affidavit, Holliday repeatedly refused requests to take a breathalyzer or field sobriety test. He told the deputies he would do no such thing without first speaking to his lawyer. He then pulled out his pack of smokes and made an unsuccessful attempt to dial.

And while he didn't directly admit to the po-po he was FUBAR, a recorder in the cop cruiser captured Holliday spontaneously saying, quote, "You shouldn't drink when you go out. If I would have been sober I wouldn't be in handcuffs right now."