A Florida man nearly drove cops bananas after they stopped him for barreling down the road at more than 70 miles per hour -- only to find him drunk as a skunk ... and accompanied by a monkey! Yes, he was drunky with a monkey! I honestly don’t think you can get drunker than that.

Eugene Kotelman blew past a trooper's checkpoint without seeing the cruiser, but did pull over without incident. When he did, the deputy found him to be extremely inebriated, with a small monkey riding shotgun. Kotelman, who has a lengthy record peppered with DUI convictions, was ordered held on $5,000 bond. The monkey was not charged, and was turned over to one of Kotelman's friends for safe keeping. The cops were hoping to use the monkey as a witness, but it turns out monkeys don't hear no evil, see no evil, or speak no evil