SYMPATHY PLOY + GUN = BAD IDEA: This past January, 20-year-old Anthony Cardella of Milwaukee was bummed out after his girlfriend had broken up with him, and decided his best course of action to get her back was to play the sympathy card.

His plan: shoot himself a few times and make it look like he’d been attacked by "some bad guys". That, he reasoned, would make the ex feel sorry for him, and he could then turn that sympathy into getting back together.

But Anthony couldn't shoot himself because he's a convicted felon and it's illegal for him to handle firearms. So instead he offered his friend, 24-year-old Michael Wezyk, cash and pain pills to do the deed. Because that would be more legal?

Michael agreed, but instead of shooting Anthony in the back or chest like he'd requested, he shot him once in the arm. That wasn’t good enough for Anthony because he asked Michael to shoot him again. Wezyk told him he was "done", and refused to shoot again. Long story short, Anthony's story began unraveling at the hospital, and both he and Michael were convicted this week of felonies. And the girl? She never even bothered to visit him. Insert sad trumpet 'wah wah wah' here!