When my boys were in school, I didn't have to worry about them spending hours on the internet, but Nintendo time was a huge problem.  Nowadays, parents have to deal with all kinds of technology taking time away from schoolwork, so the question is, how do you balance that time?


Around this time of year, experts weigh in and say you should schedule time on iPhones, computers, and social media after schoolwork, but every parent knows that will only lead to arguments and slammed doors.  To keep that from happening, here's a list of ways to make sure your kid doesn't spend this school year with his face in his iPhone:

1.  Post Vine videos of little Pifas sleeping on his Facebook page - There is nothing cooler than your little heartbreaker being showcased in 7 seconds of drooling, farting, and snoring.  The girls will be lined up at the front door for a date and begging for him to Friend them!

2.  Bedazzle your kids's cellphone case with "I love my Mommy and Daddy" - Your angel won't want to touch their cell phone when their undying love for you is emblazoned in rhinestones!

3.  Show the world how your little darling can Miley! - When the apple of your eye practices her herky-jerky twerking in the mirror, grab your phone and let the world see!  The fact that her friends won't be able to figure out if she's dancing or seizing will make for hours of fun comments on her Facebook page!

4.  Tell little Pifas he'll get to use their iPhone at home, in front of you, for an hour each evening, after the first report card comes out, and they are on the A/B honor roll - You have to work for 2 weeks before you get your paycheck, right?  Your hard work gets rewarded with your salary.  Time to teach little Pifas that there really isn't any such thing as instant gratification, and he'll have to work for his iPhone time.

5.  Be tough and take away the iPhone any time your little bundle of joy messes up - I was guilty of feeling like Cruella de Ville whenever I took stuff away from my kids when they acted up or didn't do well in school.  I'm sorry I was such a pushover.  The best way to get over that feeling is to remember how tough our parents were on us.  They were the parents, we were the kids.  There was no, "Oh, but little Pifas' self-esteem will be shattered if he doesn't have his iPhone!"  Tough cookies.  Is your life easy?  Does your boss worry about your self-esteem?  Nope!  Worry about grades and getting that your little beastie through school and ready to face the world.  Self-esteem and social media proficiency isn't going to mean much when he's facing a rent payment!


Stay strong, moms and dads!