Hollywood Dirt – Photos of a Plastered Tiger Woods + Kim Kardashian’s Hideous Fashion Choice & More

TIGER WOODS GETS HIS DRINK ON AT MET GALA AFTER PARTY - EMBARRASSES GIRLFRIEND: TIGER WOODS took girlfriend LINDSEY VONN to a big party Monday night sponsored by the Metropolitan Museum in New York City, and proceeded to get his drink on ... hard! How plastered did Tiger get? Check out his eyes in these pics. They say it all. (PHOTO) (PHOTO) (PHOTO)

Sources tell Us Weekly that at one point Tiger, quote, "got up to dance awkwardly, bopping from side to side and grabbing Vonn's butt affectionately as she giggled." The onlooker added that as they were leaving at the end of the night, "a seemingly tipsy" Tiger fell on a flight of stairs, and, quote, "didn't move from the spot until Vonn, clenching her teeth and looking embarrassed, helped him up and guided him to the exit."

According to court docs, Lindsay and Grigor struck a deal and the case was settled on May 2nd -- the same day she entered Betty Ford. TMZ says "the insurance company is footing the bill." Pun intended, I'm sure.

Speaking of LoHo ... Word out of the Betty Ford Center is that she's completed a 48-hour detox program and is now safely ensconced in an all-female dorm. There's also talk that doctors are going to evaluate whether or not Lindsay actually needs Adderall, which, as we told you yesterday, she's being allowed to take since she has a prescription for it. Lindsay supposedly has ADD issues, but if the center's doctors decide that's a load, they'll take it from her.

JESSICA ALBA TAKES NIPPLES OUT FOR A WALK: JESSICA ALBA was walking around New York City the other day in a loose-fitting tank top and a see-through bra. And yes, there is a God, because her nipple made a glorious appearance. (PHOTO)

'DANCING WITH THE STARS' - WHO WENT HOME?: "Dancing With the Stars" sent another contestant home last night. This time it was  the"Bachelor, " SEAN LOWE. The remaining five contestants -- ZENDAYA COLEMAN, ALEXANDRA RAISMAN, KELLIE PICKLER, JACOBY JONES, and INGO RADEMACHER -- are headed to next week's semi-finals.

AND THE LEAST TRUSTED CELEBRITY IS …: "Reader's Digest" set out to find the 100 Most Trusted People in America, and along the way they discovered that KRISTEN STEWART is the LEAST-trusted movie star. A mere 24% of adults surveyed rated Kristen as "trustworthy." TOM CRUISE was the least trusted male actor, with 27%. Meanwhile, TOM HANKS got the highest score of anyone on the list, with 64%. He was followed closely by SANDRA BULLOCK with 63%.

Okay, yes, Kristen cheated on that vampire guy – allegedly – but least trustworthy? Really? Even more so than Lindsay Lohan? Or that batshit crazy Amanda Bynes? Or Chris Brown?

COVER SHOTS: BRITNEY SPEARS is on the cover of the new "Shape" magazine. Her face looks a bit over-Photoshopped, but she’s rockin’ a pretty hard bod … which was Photoshopped too. Observe the dreaded cellulite on her thighs in this photos taken a week or so ago: (PHOTO)

Us Weekly, meanwhile, makes KIM KARDASHIAN and her burgeoning baby bump their cover shot ...

BABY POOP: RACHAEL LEIGH COOK is pregnant with her first child. Rachael's husband, "Vampire Diaries" star Daniel Gillies, tells Us Weekly he "can't wait to meet little Keanu Robocop." I'm sure he was kidding.

CELEBRITIES BEHAVING BADLY - COPS RECOMMEND JUSTIN BIEBER BE PROSECUTED: Cops in L.A. think JUSTIN BIEBER needs to learn a lesson and are recommending he be prosecuted for spitting in his neighbor's face and threatening to kill the guy.

The Bieb had a run-in with his neighbor in March over his reckless driving and loud partying. And when the argument escalated, Justin spit in the guy's face and threatened to "[effing] kill" him. Now the L.A. Sheriff's Department is urging the D.A. to charge Justin with battery. Cops don't think he needs jail time, but they think he needs a serious intervention before someone gets hurt. The district attorney is expect to make a decision soon.

On a related note ... Authorities in Dubai say the Bieb racked up a "number" of speeding fines while zooming around the Gulf city in a white Lamborghini. Though Dubai police declined to give any details, several reports claim that Justin hit 150 miles-per-hour and that he set off six speed cameras in his Sunday ride.

TAYLOR AND KELLY SHOW US THEIR PICS: TAYLOR SWIFT and KELLY OSBOURNE were on the same vibe today, each one Tweeting out pics of their pets. Kelly posted a photo of Willy "cleaning his teeth with his cleaning chewys" ...

Taylor uploaded a pic of her cat with the caption "Found her sleeping like this. No idea how she didn't suffocate on her own fur" ...