WTW???!!! O.J. SIMPSON IS KHLOE KARDASHIAN'S REAL FATHER???!!!: The mystery of who KHLOE KARDASHIAN'S "real" father has been solved ... It's O.J. SIMPSON!!! The "National Enquirer's" has it as its cover story so it must be true!!!

Simpson supposedly told “an insider” that Khloe was conceived following a tryst with KRIS JENNER in 1983. Allegedly. (--Kris' husband, Robert Kardashian, served on O.J.'s defense team, and Kris was close friends with Simpson's wife, Nicole.)

But, wait, there's more! The not-always-reliable tabloid also offers up as proof the “astonishing resemblance” between Khloe and Simpson’s daughter, Sydney. I'm convinced. Khloe looks more like Sydney that she does like Kim,Kourtney, or Robert, dontchathink?

KIM KARDASHIAN SHOWS US HER TWEETS - RESPONDS TO O.J. RUMOR: Big sis KIM KARDASHIAN is laughing off The Enquirer's outrageous allegation of Khloe's paternity. In response to the story, Kim tweeted, "Now we have all the answers! It makes sense now. Khloe you are so tan!"

BRITNEY'S FORMER BODYGUARD STILL TELLING TALES - IS BRIT INTO ORGIES AND LESBIAN ENCOUNTERS???!!!: BRITNEY SPEARS' former bodyguard, Fernando Flores, isn’t done trashing her. He's the guy who filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against Britney in 2010, claiming she was always coming on to him and parading around naked in front of him. That suit is still pending. Now he’s threatening to write a tell-all book about the Brit’s crazy life, which he claims included threesomes, orgies and lesbian flings!!! Now how much would you pay? The problem is, the stories appear to be second hand.

"Britney has a huge sexual appetite and, from what she told me, her tours were an anything-goes environment," The rarely-if-ever-reliable British Sun claims he told a friend. "She had a lot of young, attractive dancers around her on tour and things would get crazy. There was drinking, drugs, steamy sessions in hot tubs, all sorts of things." Flores claims he's lined up a million dollar deal to write the book, which he hopes to have out around the time of Brit's wedding.

Speaking of Britney’s marriage ... Spears is reportedly planning to wed fiancé Jason Trawick this summer. "It's going to be a very intimate wedding with only immediate family and very, very close friends,” a source tells Radaronline.

“It will probably be a destination wedding in a very warm, tropical location. …Britney's sons are absolutely going to be a part of the ceremony as ring bearers, and Jason has something very special planned for the boys that will take place during the wedding.”

SPLITSVILLE - JOHNNY DEPP: Rumors of relationship trouble between JOHNNY DEPP and VANESSA PARADIS just won't go away. Earlier this month Radar Online reported Depp was considering leaving his baby mamma,  and now "People" magazine has picked up has on the rumor, so you know it must be true! Not only do they quote an insider as saying  he believes they're "a couple which hasn't existed for two years," the magazine also points out that the two haven't been seen together on the red carpet in more than a year. Depp , in fact, was flying solo at Sunday's Golden Globes, and last November Paradis attended a concert the night of his 'Rum Diaries' premiere in Paris.

CELEBRITY STFU - MARK WAHLBERG SAY HE WOULD'VE STOPPED THE 9/11 ATTACK: MARK WAHLBERG is catching a ton of flack from some of the families of the victims of 9/11 for comments he made in the latest issue of Men’s Journal.

The “Contraband” star had been booked on Flight 11, which crashed into the World Trade Center, but changed his reservation. In a recent interview with Men's Journal, Mark said, "If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn't have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, 'OK, we're going to land somewhere safely, don't worry.'"

Deena Burnett-Bailey, whose husband died on Flight 93, blasted Marky Mark, telling TMZ, "Does Mark Wahlberg have a pilot's license? Then I think hindsight is 20/20 and it's insignificant to say what you would have done if you weren't there. The plan for Flight 93 was foiled by heroes. For him to speculate that his presence on board could have stopped everything is silly and disrespectful."

Mark quickly issued an apology … saying, "I deeply apologize to the families of the victims that my answer came off as insensitive, it was certainly not my intention. To suggest I would have done anything differently than the passengers on that plane was irresponsible." I'm glad he issued a quick apology, but something tells me he actually does believe had he been on the flight he would've put on his ass-kicking terrorist pants, and for that Wahlberg I have to issue you a STFU!!!

CELEBRITIES WITHOUT MAKEUP: Check out the pic SNOOKIE tweeted of her naked face ...

BABY POOP: “Thor” star CHRIS HEMSWORTH and his wife Elsa Pataky are expecting their first child. The couple wed in 2010.

MOST GUYS WOULD USE THEIR "HALL PASS" ON KATY PERRY AND RIHANNA: Adult cheating website Ashley Madison has released the results of its annual Celebrity Hall Pass survey.

The Urban Dictionary, by the way, defines a 'hall pass' as "permission given by your lover to fool around with another person outside your relationship. Usually reserved for an unattainable celebrity." So anyway, they asked 25,000 members which celebrity they'd share down there parts with if their spouse gave them permission, and the guys went straight for the newly single KATY PERRY, followed by RIHANNA and MILA KUNIS. The ladies celebrity side action of choice was RYAN GOSLING, followed by GEORGE CLOONEY.