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Hollywood Dirt: Charlie Sheen bombing, not winning

CHALIE’S SHEEN-ANIGANS: CHARLIE SHEEN was definately not “winning” when his debut stage show in Detroit was greeted with boos, heckles, and refund demands from an angry audience … those who didn’t walk out in the middle of the show, that is.

Reports from those in attendance suggest the show was an incoherent mess with Charlie rambling, barely making sense and showing video clips nobody wanted to see …

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkNgeB99REs

When the crowd turned on him, Charlie showed he has NO IDEA how to get on a their good side. Like when he admitted they may have WASTED THEIR MONEY. He said, quote, “Tonight is an experiment. You paid your hard-earned money without knowing what this show was about.”

He also earned a nice round of boos by making fun of the very city he was performing in. “I figured Detroit was a good place to tell some crack stories,” he said. “Show of hands . . . who here has tried crack? Forget that. Who is holding crack right now?” About an hour and 20 minutes after Charlie hit the stage, he walked off and the house lights came up. That was it. Show over.

His gig in Chicago last night went a lot smoother … That crowd was definitely on Charlie’s side. They even started a “Detroit sucks!” chant five minutes before he took the stage. Another change from Saturday’s show was actual structure to it. Charlie had a moderator on stage with him, asking questions and making sure things went somewhere. And perhaps because of this, Charlie actually told some interesting stories this time.

For example, he talked about partying with MICK JAGGER and EDDIE VAN HALEN, and admitted he still owes HEIDI FLEISS $2 million from when he utilized her PIMPIN’ services. Asked why he paid for sex, Charlie replied, quote, “Because I had millions to blow. I ran out of things to buy.”

CHARLIE ARRIVES IN CHICAGO – WATCH IT NOW

By all accounts, the show still wasn’t all that exciting, but nobody booed at this one, and they actually gave Charlie a STANDING OVATION at the end.

WHO DAT???: She’s less than 3 months away from walking down the aisle with an iconic magazine publisher. This is her at 19 …

Scroll down for the answer …

LOHAN LUNACY: The 911 call from the Betty Ford Center incident in which employee Dawn Holland alleged LINDSAY LOHAN assaulted her was released Friday. (–The assault charges have since been dropped against Linds.)

In the call, you can hear Lindsay speaking to the dispatcher, then start arguing with Dawn. There’s some sort of a scuffle, which is allegedly Lindsay pushing Dawn and hitting her with her phone. After that, they argue for a bit, and then you hear Dawn threaten to sue her, to which Lindsay replies, “Oh, you want money?”

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

WATCH STEVEN TYLER TRY TO KISS CARRIE UNDERWOOD: STEVEN TYLER and CARRIE UNDERWOOD rocked it out on the CMA’s last night on a duet of the Aerosmith classic “Walk This Way”. In the middle of it, during the “just gimme a kiss” verse, Tyler tried to plant one on Underwood. Watch Carrie expertly avoid the randy rocker’s oversized lips …

IS THE KARATE KID ROCKIN’ A WIG???!!!: If you’ve been watching “Dancing With the Stars” you’ve no doubt noticed how RALPH MACCHIO doesn’t seem to have aged. But is that thanks to a wig???

Here’s a side by side of Ralph in 2001, and another in 2011. He sure looks like he has a much fuller head of hair now than he did 10 years ago, no? We Report, You Decide …

SNAPSHOT: PENELOPE CRUZ received a star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame Friday …

 ”Pirates” co-star JOHNNY DEPP and hubby JAVIER BARDEM were in attendance …

WHO DAT???: Who is it that’s less than 3 months away from walking down the aisle with an iconic magazine publisher??? Did you guess HUGH HEFNER’S fiancee, CRYSTAL HARRIS???

She swears she’s never had any work done.  You believer her? Discuss.

By the way … Word is she’s banned all of Hef’s former girlfriends from the ceremony. A friend of hers says “this is Crystal’s special day, and she doesn’t want Hef’s exes there. What woman would?”

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