Dirt: Charlie Sheen. Wow. Just … Wow.

BREAKING NEWS! CHRISTINA AGUILERA A DRUNKEN MESS. POPPED FOR P.I: Almost every week there seems to be a CHRISTINA AGUILERA-was-soooo-drunk story on some gossip site or another. And there's one today too. Only this one ends with Christina being hauled off to jail!!!

 TMZ is reporting Xtina and her live-in boyfriend were busted early this morning in West Hollywood and popped for public intoxication and driving under the influence respectively. Christina, who was NOT driving, was described by law enforcement sources as "extremely intoxicated" and "unable to take care of herself."

CHARLIE'S SHEEN-ANIGANS: CHARLIE SHEEN was on both ABC's "Good Morning America" and NBC's "Today" show yesterday, and the crazy came fast, furious, and often. (--Much of the ABC interview will actually air on "20/20" tonight.)

You probably saw/heard the ABC promo over the weekend in which Charlie talks about about being on a drug called "Charlie Sheen", right? Well, yesterday he described that drug ... "It's not available, because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off, and your children will weep over your exploded body."

On why his insane lifestyle hasn't killed him yet, he said,quote, "Dying's for fools...I'm too smart to do that. I'm sorry for the guys that happened to, but you know, you should have read the directions before showing up at the party, you know?"

On the Today show interview ... he declared himself UNDERPAID, adding, "I'm tired of pretending like I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitchin', a total frickin' rock star from Mars. Charlie also revealed that he has, quote, "Tiger blood and Adonis DNA." Oh, and he said he expects an apology from CBS: "They owe me a big one. Publicly, while licking my feet."

You can watch the crazy on GMA Here, and on Today HERE. Note: you'll have to sit through a commercial before each one.

2.) Charlie's interview blitz yesterday also included an on-camera with the gossip site TMZ. It was after that one  his longtime publicist Stan Rosenfield quit.

Charlie implied in that interview that Rosenfield lied on his behalf about that Plaza Hotel - hooker - in - the -closet incident in October. Soon after, Rosenfield sent out an E-mail, saying, "I have worked with Charlie Sheen for a long time and I care about him very much. However, at this time, I'm unable to work effectively as his publicist and have respectfully resigned."

3.) In other Sheen news, TMZ says Charlie is demanding Warner Bros. and CBS pay him for the eight episodes of Two and a Half Men that were canceled, which amounts to about $16 million. His lawyer sent the companies demand letters, claiming the actor was ready, willing and able to go back to the show weeks ago. Warner Bros. has not responded, but has agreed to pay the show's crew for the time they would have worked if the shows weren't cancelled.

SNAPSHOT: Charlie Sheen posed for a family portrait with his twin sons and his two 'girlfriends' - a.k.a Goddesses - at his Beverly Hills home in California yesterday ...

DANCING WITH THE STARS CAST REVEALED: ABC officially unvieled the new "Dancing With the Stars" cast last night. Rumored celebs FAYE DUNAWAY, BRETT FAVRE, and PORTIA DE ROSSI were *not* on the list. Ralph Macchio, the "Karate Kid", however was.

Other celebrity hoofers this season will include "Fat Actress" star Kirstie Alley, Hugh Hefner's former girlfriend Kendra Wilkinson, and Talk show host Wendy Williams.

(-- Season 12 gets underway March 21st. Meet the entire cast HERE)

KIM K'S OOOPS MOMENT: On last night’s episode of “Kim and Kourtney Take New York”, KIM dropped in on her store to check on things, and sat on a chair which had not been screwed together properly. Not surprisingly, her ample behind was too much for the poorly built chair …

SNAPSHOT: MADONNA showed up at the Vanity Fair Oscar party Sunday night with daughter Lourdes, and little else!!! Your move, Lady GaGa!!!

R.I.P: Movie legend Jane Russell died yesterday at her home in Santa Maria, California. She was 89. The sex goddess appeared in The Outlaw and Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. In later years, she was better known as a spokeswoman for Playtex bras for "full-figured women."

Jane first became infamous for her role in the 1940 western "The Outlaw". The poster for the movie featured Jane, who was 19 at the time, posing in a blouse that was falling off her one shoulder,  and showed some cleavage. That was VERY racy at the time, and caused the movie's release to be delayed nearly a DECADE ...

VIDEO: LADY GAGA's "Born This Way" video hit the net yesterday.  I've watched it several times and my brain is still  unsure how to process it. In an interview with the BBC, Lady Gaga described it as, quote, "the story about the birth of a new race. A race that bears no prejudice, and a race that's primary sort of ambition in life is to inspire unity and togetherness." We Report, You Decide ...