BREAKING NEWS!!! JENNIFER ANISTON'S SEX TAPE!!! NO JOKE!!! Scroll down to the end of this posting for the video ...

CBS TO CHARLIE SHEEN, YOU'RE FIRED!!!: CHARLIE SHEEN has been officially fired from "Two and a Half Men."

 In a statement released yesterday, Warner Bros. and CBS said he was being terminated "after careful consideration...effective immediately."  "After careful consideration." Too funny!

According to a letter Warner Bros. sent to Sheen, he was fired for committing a felony involving "moral turpitude" and therefore broke his contract. TMZ has the entire letter HERE.

CHARLIE'S SHEEN-ANIGANS: Charlie - who plans to sue for breach of contract - wasted no time running to the media, telling TMZ, "This is very good news. They continue to be in breach, like so many whales. It is a big day of gladness at the Sober Valley Lodge because now I can take all of the bazillions, never have to look at [what's his name] again and I never have to put on those silly shirts for as long as this warlock exists in the terrestrial dimension."

CHARLIE LINKS: The new "Sheen's Korner" video rant TMZ is calling "disturbing"

LOHAN LUNACY:A brief clip of the surveillance video capturing Lindsay Lohan shopping -- or is that shoplifting? -- at a Venice, California jewelry store in January has been released. Last night Entertainment Tonight aired the footage, which shows the actress browsing through the store dressed in denim hot pants and a black shirt. Linds is accused of stealing a $2,500 necklace from the store.

Meanwhile ...Lindsay is reportedly upset with "Saturday Night Live" producer Lorne Michaels after Miley Cyrus took a dig at her on the show this past weekend. So much so, TMZ says she fired off an E-mail to Lorne. (--Linds is specifically upset with a line in the song Miley sang during her monologue ... quote, "I never stole a necklace or got a DUI."

BRITNEY B.S.:  BRITNEY SPEARS and KEVIN FEDERLINE showed up for their 5-year-old son Sean's first baseball game on Sunday. But they didn't speak a word to each other the entire time. (--Kevin is one of the coaches of Sean's team)

Britney showed up with her boyfriend, Jason Trawick. Kevin's girlfriend, Victoria Prince, was there, too. She even sat right near Britney. But they didn't interact, either.

2.) In other, more salacious Britney News ...her former bodyguard - Fernando Flores, who filed a sexual harassment suit against her last September claiming she'd made “repeated unwanted sexual advances” toward him - is now making new allegations.

And his new claim that she sent him X-rated photos could re-open the suit, according to the not-always-reliable London Sun tabloid. He's now saying she sent him “x-rated photos last April, exposing herself in a way that she clearly hoped would make him aroused. He says the photos are soo explicit, they’ll “shock and disgust the majority of her fans.”

Britney’s lawyers countered by asking a judge to move the case to a probate court, where these allegations can be kept private. They’re arguing she could be “exposed to danger” by the release of this “confidential and personal information.” That doesn’t exactly sound like a denial

SHOW US YOUR TWEETS: Barely two weeks removed from his haircut that SHOCKED THE WORLD!!! JUSTIN BIEBER is now threatening to grow facial hair ...

"im not shaving for a month so you all can see my mustache," the Biebs tweeted. "i'm pumped."

SNAPSHOT: SURI CRUISE, a month away from being 5 and still rocking a pacifier ...

Naturally, there's all kinds of smack talking on the 'net about Tom and Katie's parenting skills - or lack thereof.

 THE JENNIFER ANISTON SEX TAPE:OK, it's not really a sex tape, per se. I admit it was just a cheap ploy on my part to get you to click and scroll. It's actually a humorous JENNIFER ANISTON ad for SmartWater.

The whole thing is a joke about viral advertising, and at the end, she asks what the title of the video is, and one of the ad guys tells her they're calling it "Jennifer Aniston's Sex Tape". But there's no sex. Sorry. But it is kinda funny ...